it feels so good to let go.





{photos from my run around collinsville today.  enjoying the magic of the fog!}

this is the mantra i keep telling myself today.

why not let go?  it really does feel so good.

holding on hurts.  it's not natural, and too serious for this life.

deeper and deeper breaths, the more and more release comes.

ready to let it all go today.  are you?


opening up.





my amaryllis opened today.  so beautiful right?  just what i needed to see this morning against the grey winter sky.

i'm looking at this flower like a sign for the time of my life i'm in right now.

we're all growing, evolving, blossoming more and more with each breath.  though the sky is grey and sometimes it's very cold, we remain on our paths to open up our perfect petals.

all we have to do is focus on the blooms.  why even have a negative thought?  easier said than done, i know, but maybe that doesn't have to be the case.  maybe it's so simple to just open up and focus on the colors and the brightness that we don't need to give it a deeper thought.

we can be programmed to think differently. we've all experienced this before when changing our mind about something.  now we just have to change it about those pesky unnecessary closed minded thoughts.

and the method to this way of reflecting only on the good?  meditation.  stillness.  slowing down and creating space.

the simplest way of being leads to the simplest ways of thinking.  just 10 minutes a day breathing and watching the thoughts, and all perceptions can be transformed.

i'm turning into an amaryllis!  and so are you <3.  it's just waiting to open up for us today.

namaste.
this song.



not sure what it is about it, i just love it.



hope your day is delicious <3.  
we're safe.

(i took these photos on my run today)

hi!

after a beautiful weekend with all the people i love SO much, i feel really warm and safe inside.  

my sweet sweet friend laura threw the BEST going away party for patrick and i, and our friends and family.  it was absolutely perfect- amazing music, comforting delicious food, dancing, lots of dogs, and of course our beautiful collection of friends we've found over the past 5 years all together.  i was sad to see the night end, but at the same time, i feel so blessed to be totally encompassed by love.

it's hard to leave a good thing, that's for sure.  but with a little encouragement from those i love i feel brave enough to simply trust that the universe will lead me to more incredible people.  there's no shortage of people out there worth loving and being loved by.

we just have to trust.  all of life is a series of chances we decide are on our side.  i believe this big chance patrick and liam and i are taking is a worthy gamble, and only more good things can come from it.  love is waiting for us on the other coast, i know.  and we're not losing the love we have here either, it's always in our hearts and in our memories.  plus i'm sure we will have lots of visitors :) !


though love never runs out, i still have a hard time letting go of these moments.  i'm a glutton for comfort and ease. i cry sometimes when things end, and i almost want to die or melt into moments like the party this weekend, and never leave.  

but that's not really living, right?  living is leaping, risking, hoping, believing.  the universe is holding us here, just where we're supposed to be.  and we really are safe, flowing between times of comfort and times of change.


our friend jeff was telling us the other night that we're throwing some extra pepper in our lives over the next few months and years.  it's gonna be more flavorful and spicy, but it's harder to eat and not what we're used to.  

i always come back to this realization, and i guess we just keep learning and relearning it our lives long.  happiness comes from doing what we don't want to do, by doing what's difficult.  

this is our last full week in collinsville.  i'm cherishing every moment.  we are going to start packing over the next couple days.  

though i'm going to miss my friends and family SO badly, i feel really good knowing i'm going out there with my 2 very best friends- liam and patrick.  with them i feel like nothing bad can touch me.  how can we go wrong?

i'm going to be blogging and posting as much as i can this week, and i'll be writing while on the road next week!  i feel really lucky i can share our journey here on my blog.  it kinda feels like i can take you all with me.  


thank you for sharing in my thoughts and for walking together where our paths have crossed.  i love you.


yoga and fitness!

staying active (especially outside!!) in the winter can be tough.

here are some photos that are inspiring me to stay healthy and happy right now!












can you tell i want to get better at backbends?!  lol!  my back has never been naturally flexible, so slowly and surely i hope one day to be able to do some of the postures above!  it feels good to strive towards something, and to open your heart and mind to new possibilities.

have a beautiful weekend!
wonder.



i often find myself pondering humanity, as i'm pretty sure most people do from time to time.  when i'm out on my runs especially, i have nothing else to do but think, or not think, breathe, and wonder.

i think about people a lot.  i look at my fragile body and all the layers i have to put on to brave the cold, and notice the stark contrast between humans and the natural world.  we've come so far from being simply animals.

sometimes i wonder if we'd be better off as the ancestors we evolved from, before we developed 'consciousness'.  though we've made things easier for ourselves with heat, food readily available, clothes, technology, etc.; we still have so many problems, so much fear and hatred.


i know it must have been difficult pre-homo sapien era, to survive and find food and reproduce.  and with all the advancements we have now, i guess it's a trade off.  we don't have to fight for survival in the same ways anymore, though i suppose we do have to survive these days with making enough money to live on.

it's not like we could go back anyways.  we are locked in time here, and of course i am truly grateful for what the people before me have done to make my life more comfortable and less dangerous.  yet, when i'm running outside, i still have this tinge of sadness that we are so separate now from nature.  we all want to go back somehow; by eating more plants and wild meat, setting up parks in cities, preserving land for wild animals, living in the country... but there's no going back now.

we are self aware.  i understand the bible is a collection of myths and beautiful poetry, and this self-awareness makes me think of adam and eve realizing they are naked.  and then we had to leave the garden.  it feels like to me, in our evolution, that once we realized who we were, we had to differentiate ourselves from the wild-living-on-instincts-only beings.  we had to put on the clothes and fence in our own little gardens.

there's no stopping the survival of the fittest.  but that doesn't mean i don't long to live like the "less fit" and belong to mother earth like the animals do.

i'm thinking the best we can do with this separation from nature is not destroy nature; and give so much honor and respect to the earth, water, and sky that birthed us.  thinking beings that we are, we still have to play by the laws of nature.

yet, we don't.  we feel we humans are masters of the planet, and can just pave roads anywhere we want!  and genetically engineer plants, mistreat and abuse animals for food, pollute the seas with our waste, pollute the air with emissions we drilled for deep in the earth's surface.  it's seriously fucked up, and i wish SO badly we could live better.  i wish we could live more like the wild animals.

so- ha- this is a tangent my mind goes to quite frequently when i run.  in between planning for purusha and a little positive self talk.  it's funny 'cause there i am running, planning my business, so i can do the same exact thing animals do- reproduce and perhaps provide a better future for my offspring.

that's basically why i do what i do everyday and why i bust my ass trying to make something of myself.  so i can make money and help people, so i can have children and hope they are nicer and smarter than me.  this is what all livings beings instinctually do.

maybe we aren't that far gone as a species.  we all want the same things, basically.  i have hope that we can evolve to be better and more responsible people.  and i vow to live in the most responsible, aware, compassionate manner i can.

i leave you with a quote i love by the brilliant carl sagan:

"Our intelligence and our technology have given us the power to affect the planet. How will we use this power? Are we willing to tolerate ignorance and complacency in matters that affect the entire human family? Do we value short-term advantages above the welfare of the Earth? Or will we think on longer time scales, with concern for our children and our grandchildren, to understand and protect the complex life-support systems of our planet? The Earth is a tiny and fragile world. It needs to be cherished."

how to get back to your true self.




p.s.  i'm sure you've seen this already today, but STOP SOPA.  i love to borrow photos, inspiration, songs, etc. from blogs and websites, and this is the beauty of the internet.  it is ours and we make the rules.  xo.

you can always start over.



in this moment.



here are some photos that are inspiring me today <3.  just 2 weeks from now i am moving to california!!  oh my gosh!!  i'm so excited, but really trying to be present, and truly savor every moment here in collinsville, ct.


change is so inspiring.  it's scary and wonderful and new and perception altering.  change is healthy, and i am so happy to be able to feed my soul with it very soon.


hope you have a joyous and peaceful monday loves!






namaste.
alone.


All happiness that is dependent on others
is bound to disappear sooner or later.
It is temporary, it is momentary, it is illusory.
Only that joy is yours which wells up
within your own being.

Hence Buddha says:
delight in meditation
delight in solitude

Aloneness is the joy of being just yourself.
It is being joyous with yourself,
it is enjoying your own company.

There are very few people
who enjoy their own company.
And it is a very strange world:
nobody enjoys his company
and everybody wants others to enjoy his company.

Osho
little pleasures!



whenever i get a short break, mostly during meals, patrick and i have been watching dragon ball!!!!

oh my gosh this show is SO awesome.  it's hilarious, thrilling, quite strange, and believe it or not- inspiring too!

goku is so positive and happy.  i want to be just like goku.


when patrick first introduced me to this show i was really hesitant- a japanese cartoon, i thought i gotta be too old for this... but turns out, nope, i'm not!  there are like 1000 episodes and i'm just getting started.  horray!

it's amazing we can watch episodes for free at dbz.tv .  that never happens!

have you ever watched dragon ball?  if not, you should!!

happy friday, and i hope you have a glorious weekend!
weekend getaway.


here are a few photos from my weekend in nyc! <3

i'll let the pictures tell the story, 'cause today i just don't have the time to explain it! tehe :)

last week was like the calm before the storm.  the next couple weeks are going to be crazy busy!  with 50+ orders to finish and packing up my whole life to move out west, ah, you can say i'm a bit overwhelmed!

but it's all good.  hard work is satisfying and california is worth it.

enjoy :)
nyc jazz fest in soho




the next morning


 best breakfast at balaboosta!  green eggs!



 pat's favorite guitar store rudy's

quick visit to long island to spend time with patrick's grandpa and uncles

pat, grandpa, mother :)

hope you have a beautiful peaceful day!  


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