5 things i'm into right now.

1. magic eye. haha! remember this? i still have a book, and i've been magic eyeing pretty much every night before bed. it's really relaxing. patrick can't do it and keeps saying i'm just making the whole thing up.

2. this song. obsessed.

3. gussets on pants. oh. my. god. now i know what i've been missing. all future purusha pants will feature this.  the greatest addition to athletic pants ever!!! 

4. trader joe's. this place just amazes and inspires me so hard. patrick and i have been loving shopping here since we moved to CA. you feel like a gourmet wordly chef perusing the aisles for truffle pizza, thai dumplings, palak paneer, macaroons, and gorgeous stinky cheeses. and leaving the store with 4 grocery bags full for about $100 is freakin' a miracle! i've honestly been quite fascinated with tj's as a business as well. they are SO smart in how they manage the chain; not opening too many locations, vertically integrating the business (keeping all products internal, or putting the trader joe's name on each product instead of selling goods under brand names), and (my favorite!), treating the employees well and paying them more than any other grocery store. did you know a tj's manager can make a 6 figure salary?! and have you noticed that pretty much everyone at trader joe's is happy and nice? AND they give out samples?! ok, i could go on and on. but seriously, trader joe's, you are doing it right.

5. slowing down. man, this can be a hard one for me. i tend to have a lot of nervous energy, so i'm drawn to working my body with some intensity, hoping it will slow my mind down. sometimes this works, but other times what i need is to take my time and not push my body so much. this weekend i took the lovely and peaceful tracee stanley's yoga class at yoga desa in topanga.

what a goddess! tracee stanley!

 it was just what i needed- deep, detoxifying, mind clearing, flowing with enough long holds, and a reminder to find the nurturing mother within each of us. i am the type of person that definitely needs to be refreshed on the importance of doing what is healthy not just for the body, but for the entire being- body, mind, and soul. the brain and the nervous system need to be exercised and rewired as much as (if not more than) my arms and shoulders (and my shallow desire to sculpt them). it's a great reawakening to remember the body will follow the mind. i don't need to worry about my body looking toned and in shape, because it just will be naturally when i take care of my whole being. what a weight off my mind, and what an easier way to view my practice.

well i hope your monday is a happy one!

namaste. :)

a different reality.

c/o kristin burns

this morning i feel a little shaky.

i had a really beautiful dream last night, and this morning i haven't been able to stop thinking about it. i dreamt my sister lucy was still alive. not an unusual dream for me, i get these from time to time. typically though i dream lucy has come home from somewhere and she is still 15 years old. not in this dream. somehow, my mind created lucy to be a perfectly beautiful adult version of herself. she would be 31 years old, and that's just how she looked. in the dream i could not stop crying, i was just sobbing non-stop. but not because i was sad, because i was overjoyed to have my sister back. i kept saying 'i've been wanting a big sister SO bad. i am happy.' and i hugged her soooo hard. and touched her hair, which she had highlighted with some honey blonde in her brown hair. it was really soft. lucy told me she worked in politics, and i was impressed, but not surprised. lucy was always so smart, thought for herself, and challenged authority. then... i woke up.

damn. i cried a bit this morning and patrick held me. perhaps in another dimension somewhere, this reality is real. i kinda wish i could go there sometimes, and see what kind of person i would be. but i guess i can only visit these far off places in my dreams. it's better than nothing though, isn't it?

yesterday i wore one of lucy's old dresses, this lovely banana republic black dress that is just timeless. i slept in it too, so maybe that's why lucy came into my dream space.

i've begun my day with my head somewhere else, and sometimes, you have to. it's interesting, though painful, to think what could have been. and maybe it exists somewhere in this infinite universe. perhaps i got to view this life through my dream... or maybe dreams are just a mixture of crossed wires that don't make any sense. either way, i haven't felt a sadness like this in a while. easily teary eyed. ugh. well, it will pass.

i was telling patrick this morning, grief and pain from tragedy seem like they are forever stored in a part of your brain. they never go away, they're just pushed elsewhere, like clothing in the back of a drawer that you rediscover one day and say 'i forgot i had this'.

so deep breaths i am taking, gratitude for the love i have, i'm reflecting on.

and i'm going to go watch will ferrell on youtube. haha. aaah, life, you are a strange thing.

behind the scenes.

c/o kristin burns

hello!

i had such a great time shooting with kristin and noelle last month! it was really sweet to shoot at my house and see kristin create such beauty out of the backdrops i see everyday. noelle and kristin combined- oh my- the photos are heavenly! i'm going to be posting pictures daily, and adding new items to my shop for fall. 

yippee!!

good morning.

c/o kristin burns photography

just dropping in to say hi! for some reason i don't have much to say today. huh. oh well! hope you have a really lovely and happy day! xo.

together.

hi! me again, in my favorite purusha people blue pants. :)

so as a lot of you know, i'm {finally!} expanding a bit. woohoo! hiring a seamstress to help me out, and probably a pattern maker. this is all very exciting to me!

thinking about having clothing made, without me doing 100% of the work like right now, is freakin' incredible. it feels like such a blessing. i'm happy to be building relationships with other talented people, and creating the purusha people team and family. i feel calm and confident about the direction of my business, and know i'm doing the right thing by taking it little by little. ha, laugh if you will, but i've watched A LOT of the shows 'shark tank' and 'dragon's den'. there is always sooo much to learn about how to run a business. i am such a novice, but i also believe my naivety can work for me. i'm super optimistic, and trying to just stay in the moment so i don't worry about the future and the workload that awaits! but for sure i have my moments of fear, laziness, worry, intimidation... it's all part of the game of life though, isn't it?

at the end of the day, being who i am, born with these amazing opportunities, i am so fortunate. it's not even fair. as much as i get frustrated from time to time with america {the "wars" we're in, the constant disagreements between political parties, the amount of poverty and poor education that is becoming more widespread}, i know i've been dealt a pretty good hand in life. and i do owe it to america- my freedom to start a business as a woman, my awesome education, my safe car, my loving parents and sister, my supportive boyfriend, the library, my friends that always encourage me, etc a million times over- this all makes me who i am. as my business blossoms, i will never look at is as something only i built. i'm part of a team and proud of it! i believe purusha people will become a powerfully positive business in the united states, and i am honored to give back to the country that's given me so much. it will be beautiful!

namaste.

omg.

friends, oh my gosh, i am so excited!! the photos by kristin burns are pretty much done! of new purusha people fall/winter 2012 and spring 2013! featuring noelle beaugureau! she is a delight, such a beauty and a kind soul. eee!

i'll be posting photos next week, and adding new items to my shop and my new website in a few weeks! so much goodness in store!

above is me (obviously!) in purusha's new high waist big flare yoga pants. 100% made in topanga, CA with all the love in my heart. isn't this photo unreal?!?! kristin is beyond talented. how lucky am i?!

i am so grateful for the lovely women in my life that inspire, encourage, and believe in me. thank you, truly. namaste.

monday morning.

and i'm back to work. such a pleasure to have something beautiful and worthy to devote my time to.

this weekend was happy and relaxing. friday night patrick and i saw 'kumare' in LA and met "kumare" (vikram gandhi) afterwords! i really enjoyed the movie, and totally recommend everyone see it. the main message of the movie was an uplifting one, but both patrick and i agreed it still felt a little off to fool people into thinking you're someone you're not. there was a little Q & A after, followed by social time. i shook vikram's hand and asked him my questions, and patrick as well. but we were left a little underwhelmed with his answers and his manner in meeting fans. vikram seemed like he didn't want to talk to us and kept looking away, such a sharp contrast from kumare in the movie. i kinda wish i coulda met kumare instead! on the drive home patrick cracked me up, complaining how he really dislikes "hip" people, or folks that just think they're too cool. but who knows, i'm sure touring with your movie gets tiring and people must ask a lot of the same questions. and sometimes people are just shy. i know i am, and i hope i would never come across as thinking i'm "too cool!" hehe. what else... we went to the beach on saturday and liam was in heaven, as usual. he played with his friend duke, an italian mastiff, and his new friend lua, a toy chihuahua. i was really afraid liam would step on the little thing and break her leg! saturday night patrick and i made an "irish dinner", 'cause we've been listening to and enjoying irish music. it was salmon, mashed potatoes, leeks (ugh i thought these would be better than they were, just like eating onions!), kale salad, and guinness. oh yeah!!! sunday i spent the day working on some big good things for purusha! woohoo! you shall see soon! and finally, we've been listening to r. kelly's 'i believe i can fly' A LOT. ha, it's such a good inspiring song!! whenever our neighbors walk by we try to be sure to turn it down, a little embarrassing it is.

today purusha people work continues, as always. i am so lucky.

my mantra.

it's easy. enjoy.


i've been saying this to myself the past few days. so much of what i expect to be difficult ends up being easy, or not as challenging as i thought. usually the worst part is the thinking about what i don't want to do, and not the thing itself.

this morning, on my run, going up hills... it's easy. enjoy... suddenly i'm smelling flowers and remembering the sacredness of each breath. today, while i screen print... it's easy. enjoy... oh yeah, my job is WHAT I LOVE (duh!!!!), and it's fun to create something beautiful.

why not find the ease in the moment? it's always there, we just have to choose it. take some deep breaths, soften the face, and remember that being alive is not permanent. today, right now, is holy, it's all we have. enjoy it. it's easy. :)

a sloth.

that is all.

a challenge

good morning!

today, i am inspired. i just read the latest post from one of my favorite blogs 'oh she glows'. i clicked the link, expecting one of angela's usual awesome recipes, but found FEAR instead. when i first saw that word, and then the title, 'august challenge', i actually felt really afraid! AH! i don't wanna face my fears! to me, that means i have to. i don't want to face fears, there's this obvious internal struggle, so i must work on this.

angela's challenge for anyone who wants to participate is to face one fear everyday. oy. sounds scary, but i'll say, also a teensy bit empowering! getting comfortable and building a predictable routine in my life gives me a sense of security, but what if my day was shook up a bit? would i still feel so complacent? no way. i think i would feel freedom, adrenaline, yep fear, but also a confidence beyond what i'm experiencing right now. there is ALWAYS so much more space for growth, to become more yourself. it's a neverending journey and there's no destination. just always moving up up up, down sometimes, and all around. staying still, staying always in the comfort zone, seems like a slow death that we barely saw coming...

the challenge includes writing in a journal what you do each day that scares you. the fears can be little or big. doesn't matter. today i already have a fear to face, ugh... it probably sounds silly to those of you who've been through a lot doctor-wise (surgery, pregnancy, disease, etc), but today i'm going to a new doctor for my annual ob-gyn appointment. i think a big point in this challenge is, each of our fears are very different, and that doesn't matter. what matters is looking that fear in the eye today, no matter how petty others may think it is. i realize going to the ob-gyn for a checkup is no biggie, and i am so lucky i can even go and that i'm healthy. but the irrational part of me, the fear creator, is whispering... ooh that pap smear pinches doesn't it, and what if they find something, some lump, and what if the pap comes back abnormal... and driving through LA is scary... EEK! stop voices! tell me something good!

the thing about fear that rocks if the feeling after you do what you gotta do. pure incomparable bliss. there's nothing like it. the endorphins flood the brain, and just WOW! so worth it.

angela posted this quote, and i'm in love with it:

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.”

― C. JoyBell C.
wanna face the fears with me? xo.

time to vent.

playing a little bansuri makes me feel good!

hi!!!! 

oh phew, july is almost over. all the shit is behind us now. at least that's what we keep telling ourselves when we get a little sulky. 

i really don't like posting blogs that are anything less than positive, but let's face it, life can't and isn't always good all the time. if it was i suppose i'd be very lazy and uninspired. i'm not saying i'm not extremely lucky to have been born at this very right time with all the opportunities i've had. i am beyond grateful. just venting a bit here...

july sucked. crashing our car, financing a new car, frustrations with not having a website yet (no one can finish a site for me so i'm building it myself), adjusting to living in a new place far away from what has been so familiar, and finding out liam may be going blind... pretty much a year's worth of troubles all jam packed in an awesome month's time! ha!

another thing i've been irritated with is yoga. yep. yoga. i really hope what i'm about to say doesn't sound condescending or mean, but sometimes i am just SO embarrassed by the mainstream "yoga community". in a way, to me, yoga looks like a cult, like a club where judgmental people can hide behind their sanskrit and their health foods. i used to have a subscription to yoga journal, but i kinda faded away from it. i liked to read it and see what all the yoga people are doing, what they're wearing, what advertisements they're being exposed to. but besides that, i never found or read anything that truly encouraged me to think differently. to be honest, i find the pages of yoga journal to be just bleh and banal... like, didn't i read this same article 5 years ago? and the brands in the YJ storefront page- umm, these fashions haven't changed in 15 years!! and who really looks good in wide leg flood pants?! i'm thinking though, perhaps i'm not the target audience. it seems more like YJ is written for 50+ year old rich white women. (i just checked their stats page, yep 38% of readers are from households that makes more than $100 k per year!)

the clothing on the cover this month, don't get me started!! the woman on the august 2012 cover is wearing zobha brand. zobha manufactures their clothing in china. i emailed them to ask about it, because it says nowhere on their site where the garments are made. lots of info on charities (awesome), but nothing about how they're getting their clothing to you. when a business doesn't proudly say "made in USA!", their stuff is not made in the USA. zobha wrote me back and said they manufacture in asia. a nice way to say, china. ugh. it embarrasses me to see a white girl, like me, hands in prayer, surrounded by the words 'learn to meditate' and 'relieve anxiety' while wearing clothing made in a sweatshop. made by women who have no other way to live than to work 18 hours a day in poorly ventilated factories making about 10 cents an hour. there is something deeply deeply disturbing about this to me. not just because i find this brand to be my competition, but because it makes yoga journal look like a fake, and this puts a really hypocritical light on yoga. but maybe people just don't care about where their clothing is made. then again, the readers of YJ are supposed to be YOGIS- people that are aware of human suffering and live to make a positive difference on the lives of others. what i see in the pages of YJ is typically western: superficial and materialistic, yet shallowly elevated and floating on the guise of eastern spirituality. a facade that has become so trendy these days.

however, i am empathetic. truly. i've been there. when i first got into yoga and meditation in college (shallowly, for sure. for show and ego, yes.), i found a lot of comfort and stability in hinduism and yoga. i felt like a better person for chanting esoteric sanskrit, buying lots of hindu and spirituality books, and practicing my asana in front of a mirror. i thought, i can be beautiful, holy, intelligent, and enlightened with this stuff. i can transcend basic humanity and find who i really am. yet, as i've grown older and continued exploring knowledge and experience, i've been brought back down to earth. to me now, there is something so much better, so much more humiliating to think, i am an animal born as a speck in this universe. yes, my life has meaning, but i will not be remembered in the grand scheme of time. i am no better or worse than anyone, and my yoga practice (as well as everyone else's) doesn't "enlighten" me or make me more than a mere human. i do the best i can to love, grow, accept, and hopefully make a happy difference in small moment's of other's lives. i am imperfect, and i'll sadly admit, like anyone else, shallow at times.

my yoga doesn't make me better than you if you don't practice yoga. saying these words, i'm always brought to that controversial question- what is yoga? is it exercise, meditation, good health, devotion, awareness? am i really practicing "yoga"? let's say yoga is meditation. so running, playing music, studying, painting, working construction, bartending, eating dinner, really anything can be yoga if you are aware and breathing, correct? so what's with the postures? why are we all working so hard to get into handstand if yoga is being in the moment? ok, let's say yoga is exercise. i can most definitely agree stretching and exercise are good for the body and brain. yesterday i felt like my mind was racing and my lower back hurt, so i did 30 minutes of yoga (stretching, moving, breathing) and felt completely refreshed and renewed after. if yoga is moving the body and breathing with awareness, why do we need all the hindu connotations and the enlightenment crap? why does yoga have SO much baggage and responsibility? 

yoga is definitely a complicated subject without a clear definition. i love my daily practice of slowing down and breathing, stretching and strengthening my body. but i don't love how many people feel that yoga has to be a certain thing in order for it to be yoga. yoga in america is an entirely different species than yoga in india. it's evolved to become its own entity, for better or worse. it looks like gymnastics in the pictures of yoga journal, but acts like religion in the articles of yoga journal. an expensive religion too. where you need lots of clothing made in china, a juicer, loads of dietary supplements, toe separating flip flops, to go on a yoga retreat in the bahamas, to go see some swami "on tour" in america this fall for $2500, and you must, MUST, make the pilgrimage to mecca (a yoga journal conference).

i've always felt a little bad when people ask me "where do you practice yoga?" and i say, "at home". like there's something wrong with me that i don't want to join the herd or go to yoga works. i shouldn't feel bad about this. my home practice is my favorite. being alone, breathing, listening to my body, that's where it's at for me. i'm totally NOT saying yoga classes are bad, at all!!!!!! most yoga classes are spectacular, and coming together with like minded people is so beneficial. in fact, right now i feel due for a yoga class with people. sometimes you really need a yoga guide to bring you back to why you love yoga so much. but i'm not the kind of person that needs a class in order to practice. but oh geez, my yoga teacher friends, i love you.

what all these thoughts and frustrations bring me to in terms of my business is, i've got to make a positive impact on all parties involved in purusha. i am merely human, but with this conscious brain the least i can do is make conscious informed compassionate decisions. businesses change the world, this is why i've wanted to be a business owner all my life. there needs to be a new standard in fashion, where the ugliness of the factories are exposed to the buyer purchasing the beautiful clothing. and ESPECIALLY this must be true in yoga clothing. i honestly don't know how one could run a yoga clothing brand, like lululemon, zobha, lucy, marika, and manufacture in china. this is the most contradicting thing- creating clothing at the expense of human decency and compassion, for people to wear while meditating on kindness and the ease of suffering for all beings. oh man, seriously?! friends, i urge you, not just because these brands are considered competition to me, but because of basic morality, not to buy clothing for yoga made in china. it's just plain wrong. or at least don't wear those garments to yoga... wear them dumpster diving or something.. i dunno.

my path is now becoming even more clearly defined. so beautiful. more than ever i dream of running a happy business, where the brand's factory is attached to the store, and customers can meet who makes what they're wearing. and yoga isn't just for the wealthy, spiritual elite. can you imagine?! i can! 

thank you for sharing in my thoughts. today, i look forward to a new month of non-suckiness. xo.