changes ahead.

i have a lot of feelings right now. excitement, fear, worry, joy, confusion, dread, wonder... ha pretty much all feelings. we get to move into the new art space starting tomorrow or friday, and i feel a little, oh my gosh, well overwhelmed at it all. it's kinda nuts going from working at home for the past 3 years to leaving home and working with people again. i know it's totally different this time around. this is my business and i call the shots, which in itself is a whole other blog post. i won't get to be with liam and patrick 24/7, but i won't have to work out of such a small somewhat frustrating space like i am right now at home. i know the point of what i'm doing is to grow and turn into a "real" business, but i can't help but feel a little nostalgic this week as i screen print at the kitchen table and dye out of the kitchen sink, taking breaks to snuggle with liam and make weird jokes with patrick. within the next couple weeks i'll be dyeing out of an industrial sink and screen printing on a rotary press, with the help of some lovely new people whom i amazingly get to employ! it is such an incredible feeling to employ people. it's just... wow! it's nice :). and nadya will be sewing out of our space as well. i'm considering even having like a little factory store in our space or mini showroom. we'll see!

it's all so grand isn't it? i'm trying to enjoy it, think positive, and realize everything is GOOD (!), but i still feel stressed. there is so much change. with all these people helping me and the new space... i almost feel like i'm learning how to run a completely different business. i guess i am. will i stock inventory? will customers still need to wait for orders? i need to square away all my dyeing and printing techniques, making sure they are fool proof as i train other people. i need to set the whole place up and buy sewing machines, storage containers, and i want to make the place cute! with a couch? a fridge? some little pieces of decor to make the place feel like a home! it's a lot to think about. if anyone out there has any advice for me, i'll gladly take it. i suppose for now i'll keep trying to just take it one day at a time. 

lorde!

i'm taking a break from life right now eating halloween candy and listening to lorde like a teenager and i love it! lorde sings that song 'royals' that you've probably all heard, and you probably know about her already too. i'm always like a year or ten late to music and movies. but i just think this song is so rad, and i think lorde is a pretty cool 16 year old. she reads books (?!), writes her own lyrics, doesn't want to sing about being rich (i can't even imagine if the people i looked up to as a teen were intelligent and not shallow!), and is just herself. it's funny how a teenager can remind you of just how cool it is to be you. being like everyone else is boring! i want to embrace all of me and move forward with total self love. thanks lorde.

you just get better.

hehe this is me doing my favorite thing, laying down. 

it feels really good to work hard. i'm working hard on purusha as always, working hard on my body with my yoga and personal training and running, and working hard on my mind. purusha takes up most of my time, especially lately, and there are plenty of super exciting things on the horizon! we move into our new art space next week (i'm calling it an art space, not a work space. it sounds better, don't you think?!), i hire some new people very soon, and i have a few amazing wholesale opportunities in the near future. i'm lucky enough to work out often, and i've been trying to up my protein! just a little experiment to see what happens to my body. i'm drinking a vegan protein shake everyday and even eating more meat! we shall see what happens! 

and my mind... oh boy my dear special little mind. working hard on my mind is a challenge. because, you can sort of get away without working on it. just floating through tasks, going on instagram, working a lot and crossing things off my list... only to find my thoughts went totally unaccounted for for the past few months straight. practicing yoga often does not mean that i'm actually exercising my mind either. i straight up have to meditate for mind training to work. i can't do anything else but sit. it's too distracting. so this past week i've really been putting in the effort to sit still, breathe, and watch my thoughts. 

purusha is growing now, and i can already tell my role in my business is shifting to be more of a boss. i've been running purusha for 4 1/2 years without much of a change in what i do, but i have a feeling this is all going to change fast as we move into the space and i have more people helping me make the clothing. i can actually focus on growing the brand! it's so neat, but intimidating. i'm totally game for it all, i just feel like i need to start taking accountability for my mind as i become accountable for other people. the old stories i used to tell myself- that i'm shy, that i'm not a boss, i am unsure of myself... yada yada yada... they just aren't working for me anymore. so i'm working hard meditating (that sounds like an oxymoron!), or rather putting the time in to meditate, so i can really realize what it is i think about all the time. if anything it's just more peaceful to bring the mind's focus to breath, positive thoughts, and to awareness rather than letting it go on autopilot to timbuktu! 

i'm trying to spend less time on social media (this is hard!), but i have to share a quote i saw on someone's instagram today that i really resonated with. 

'it doesn't get easier, you just get better.' 

so true. my life will always have challenges; but i keep working on myself, keep growing as a person, and make sure i take enough time to simply lay down when i need it.

grief.

our hearts are hurting over here. there is a void.

about 2 months ago patrick, liam, and i decided it was the right time to adopt another little doggie boy into our family. we went back and forth with if we should rescue a dog or get a lab. (this is not the post to preach why to rescue. i know why, and i'm trying to do what makes sense for our situation.) anyways, somehow we were led to find a lab breeder in northern cali that had pups born that very day, august 28th. how funny we thought, liam was born on may 28th, and the dogs looked SO much like liam. the effort to get this puppy was very easy and it just flowed so we went ahead with it. 

patrick has always said liam looks like his name should be byron, so we named our pup byron. with the breeders help we chose the fox red lab puppy that would do best with liam. that was really the main reason to get a lab pup, someone to help liam play and see and feel confident again. we felt really good about choosing the more mellow dude that would be liam's seeing eye dog. a few weeks ago we bought liam and byron matching navy blue and white polka dot collars from our friend that makes them by hand at the farmer's market. we mailed the collar to byron and were getting really excited to pick up our "son" next week.

yesterday though we got the worst news. byron had suffered from intussusception, was bleeding internally, and his intestines had folded in on themselves. this is really rare but normally operable, but because the location was so close to byron's stomach the vet thought the surgery would be very complicated and most likely not successful. and the little guy was suffering immensely. so we had to make the decision to put byron down.

the anticipation of our puppy was kinda like having a baby, and the loss of him just feels so empty. i've never had kids so this is all i know. and damn it hurts. i miss the little guy. we skyped with him, saw many pictures of him, heard he was digging little holes just yesterday morning, and felt like he was ours. our byron. and now he's just gone. patrick and i keep going back and forth in our emotions. one moment we're angry at the world that our puppy out the 11 others had to be the one to die, the next we're just hollow, and the next we're swimming in gratitude for our sweet liam and that everyone else in our lives is ok right now.

if anything this is such a cruel but real reminder that life exists on the brink of death. we are alive because of death. it is what it is. death is on my dinner plate. our world is so unnaturally removed from death that when it happens we're in shock, yet it is the way of the world. as natural as it is though, it doesn't stop the pain. 

so we grieve. we understand that byron had the best little life, where he never had to leave his mom and dad and brothers and sisters. we're going to reuse his special collar and his name on whoever we find to be the right little dude for our family, and remember that those pieces of byron the 1st are holy because they were a piece of our little angel.

oh death, you are such a final sentence. but death is only a bad thing to us in the living. today i remember that life is not the only realm of existence. and we remember byron, a pure being if there ever was one.

one breath at a time.

hello and good evening my sweet friends! hehe, that photo above?! just me and liam doing what we do! i take a cuddle break every few hours with my guy. he's an angel.

i miss blogging. my life has just been really full recently, and i can see that with busyness comes new priorities (apparently dog cuddling is still a big one!). some days i feel so heavily overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a business owner, but i quickly remember (most of the time) there's only so much one person can do in a day. in a way, this thought makes me calm. i realize things will get done in their own time, and me cramming my head with worry and dread does nothing to change this. 

being a waitress (i waitressed until my second year of purusha) has helped me to be a better entrepreneur. when you're waitressing, and it's friday night and you've got 9 tables you prioritize pretty fast. you see that getting all stressed and bothered does nothing to help your cause. it makes your performance worse. so you take a deep breath, focus your mind on the task at hand, and get a busser to run your food out while you greet table number 10 like you have all the time in the world for them. it's all about the task at hand, and remembering you can only do one thing at a time.

one thing at a time. deep breaths. focus on the task at hand. it's funny, because this is meditation isn't it? we practice yoga, watch our breath, and meditate when moments are still, so that maybe, just maybe, we can remember to do these things when the storms come. it's way easier said than done, that's for sure. but it looks like i'm in for a lot of practice as purusha evolves and challenges me more and more each day. again, i'm a waitress. things are running smoothly, but every once in a while you spill someone's drink. i.e. your website is down because the wholesale page is malfunctioning (right now.. ugh!). all i can do is my very best and leave it at that.

i'm doing my very best. i'm here in the storm and taking one breath at a time. namaste.

signed!

this is a crappy-ish iphone photo, but.... i signed the lease to the purusha palace! hehe! it's soooo exciting! all production of purusha- sewing, dyeing, and perhaps screen printing- will be done in this beautiful art space! it's exposed brick, high ceilings, big windows, skylights... oh my gosh, it's really a beautiful place. we set up factory november 1st! weee! i don't know if this is cool to say, but i feel really proud. it's happening! 

what's really important.

i am really in love with where i live in topanga. it's peaceful and quiet, we get to be close to nature but still near LA, and we have a really kind and friendly neighborhood. sometimes i forget though that we're living in a place that maybe we shouldn't be.

today is super super windy. the santa ana winds are blowing through, and for the first time since we've lived here there is a red flag for extreme fire danger. at this time of year the land is dry from no rain since winter, the humidity is low, and the winds are gusty. combine this with a spark of any kind and we have a perfect recipe for fire.

last night i was feeling really worried about fire. i read a lot about how fires are such a natural process here where we live in the santa monica mountains. in fact, many plants depend on the cleansing of fires to grow. some seeds are in cases that need to be burned off, and the fires help to clear out all the dead plant matter. the more we humans suppress the fires, the more decaying matter builds up. so when the fires do come, they are bigger. i'm still really worried, but at the same time i'm accepting that this is the natural progression of things. what can we do? move? there's nowhere else i want to be right now.

i used to think that people who lived in dangerous weather areas were kinda dumb. like why set your life up in a place where everything can be so easily taken away from you? but now i understand. because you love that place. you put down roots there even though you realize the risk. i'd rather live somewhere i love than move somewhere that's not right for me to avoid the potential loss. {it also helps to have insurance! and not a lot of highly valuable stuff.}

in a way this fire warning has made me contemplate what's important. only our lives. we could lose everything and i'd probably miss a few things, but nothing is totally irreplaceable. not like a life. so if a fire comes, or this is hard to say but, when a fire comes, we will just leave. patrick, liam, and i will get out and the possessions of our lives will be cleansed by the fire like the rest of the chapparal. i am working on finding a peace with this. namaste.

favorites on etsy recently.

 apache suede backpack in blue

 alloy boho necklace

 hesse quote dish

 bias cut singlet

 lavender + chamomile organic toner

 fine bone china with real gold

 ethico hand knit shorts

 grape VI rings

summer dream photograph

geometric cut out maxi dress

shark tooth arm cuff

always a whole lotta love for the amazing artisans on etsy :). honored and blessed to sell amongst them!

just a 'lil business update.

photo : katie adelsberger

hello my dears! oh my gosh, good stuff is happening. well i guess it's been happening for a while, but the goodness has just added up to capacity at this point. i am so so lucky to be following my dream. life is insanely busy now pretty much all the time, and the wait for clothing orders is pushing 5 weeks. too long, i know. SO this is where the really good stuff is going on! tomorrow i start looking at locations to rent for a work space in downtown LA! i'm hiring another seamstress, and either buying a screen printing rotary press or outsourcing my screen printing to a location in LA. oh my!!! is my dream of a merry sunlit factory coming true?! 

in other news, purusha's winter-spring 2014 line is looking pretty sweet! i'm planning on defining the styles of clothing in my shop a little more. so active-lounge-street. i wear yoga pants like everyday, but i'm not one of those people that has any desire to wear my yoga pants out at night. i like having my separate clothes for my separate activities. plus, the more i work out with my trainer tyler i see i don't want to exercise in nice stuff. tyler punishes me (this is a good thing!) in cross fit like exercises, and honestly i've never worked out so hard in my life. i sweat a lot, and i'm finding i appreciate my nylon pants more than anything else. so my active wear will be made just for that- to get sweaty. lounge wear can be a little more playful and fun, but i wouldn't recommend maybe doing a hot yoga class or a body pump class in them. and street! this is my new stuff i'm really excited about! i want to make "regular" clothes. hehe. so we'll be making some hemp jeans, silk and hemp trousers, a cardigan, a dress, and some slouchy organic tees. yes!

i think that's about it! it's getting cool here in topanga, and i'm feeling cozy tonight as patrick is cooking me dinner. i can't say it enough, but i'm a lucky woman.

xo!

the beach.

this weekend patrick, liam, and i took a little weekend getaway to santa barbara. it truly was heavenly. the weather was perfect, the people we love were inspiring, and the time to relax was just what i needed! we ate well, laughed a lot with my sister and friends, got massages (!), and played at the beach. i couldn't imagine a more perfect way to de-stress and take a short break from life. aaaah :) and now i feel recharged and happy to get back to work! oh yay! and namaste.

thoughts early this morning.

i just woke up a little over an hour ago. with this overwhelming sense of LUCK. like god damn i'm lucky to be myself in america with the education, the ability, and the opportunity to live my dreams. i'm trying to keep my life stress free and positive, but can't help but get caught up in the awe that i even have a chance to keep stresses and bad stuff away from my days.

i set the tone to my day when i read this article this morning. it's awful, painful, and just plain unfair. i somewhat understand that life isn't fair {that doesn't stop me from wishing otherwise}, but c'mon now i just can't believe where i live with so much opportunity, others live with so much struggle and despair. one woman in the rana plaza garment factory collapse is about my age, and has a broken leg and is going blind from the stampede to get out of the building. not to mention that perhaps she had family and friends that died in the disaster. and to further add insult to injury, she can't afford her medical bills. most of the brands involved in the collapse are taking no responsibility.

perhaps i'm super naive, but i just don't understand as a business owner the ability to ignore the bad shit your company does. big brands run the world, they have shareholders to respond to, and most likely they can shrug off responsibilities to the people that work below them. we've heard this before, but with great money comes great responsibility. business owners literally have the power to change the world with their practices. it's like having the super power of the jedi! but many people take that power to the dark side. there's seemingly more money to be made with the sith. sad face.

i'm obviously not claiming to be more virtuous than the common person. oh my gosh, we all have our faults. i think it's just because i make clothing that i give a ton of thought to the garment industry. my extensive research has turned me into a clean clothes crusader in my own life, and in a way i struggle with wanting to share this information within my brand. of course i don't want to tell you how to live, and i sure as hell don't want to preach to you and make anyone feel that i'm looking down on them. i can't deny that it's easy to purposefully forget everything i know when i see the perfect dress i've been wanting that's been made in bangladesh.

so i think the best thing i can do is keep sharing my gratitude for all that i have, and keep making clothing i believe in. it's good to be educated and inspect where our money is going {now more than ever as big businesses just get bigger}, but it's probably better to just focus on what's good and put your money towards businesses that are in line with your morals. i plan on writing another post soon about how to afford these ethical brands. {in short, just buy less. easier said than done!}.

i suppose that's enough of my rant for today. anyone who reads my blog, i kinda feel like you're my close friend or family, so i really do feel honored to share my inner dialogue with you. 

hope your day is beautiful. so grateful for my great luck in life that i can write and express myself, go for a walk with my dog, and perhaps feel a little like a jedi. ;) namaste.