balance- in my opinion is the key to happiness in my life. moderation, finding that middle ground where there isn't too much or too little, sounds simple but it can be quite elusive sometimes.
yesterday i had a dull headache, and this feeling like something was missing, like i wasn't at home in my body. this feeling happens to me from time to time, but i haven't felt it in a while so i guess i thought i wouldn't feel it again!
this feeling of unease and dissatisfaction is unsettling, and it's hard for me not to judge it. i wonder, what's wrong with me? what did i do wrong, why am i feeling so unbalanced? how can i get back to the way i felt yesterday when i had energy to spare and sunshine in my heart?!
i stayed up late last night biting my nails, eating mint chip gelato, trying to ignore what my body was trying to cry out to me. the moment i feel dissatisfied with something in my life, i overindulge in lazy and scared activities. suddenly i don't want to be good to myself, i feel paralyzed to help myself in the usual ways i find peace and happiness.
the fact that i forget when i am feeling down for apparently no reason at all, is dissatisfaction and unhappiness don't have to be negative!!! i am learning how to be happy with my life by doing what i love, but i still have much to learn about finding peace in unhappiness. just because it doesn't come up that often doesn't mean it won't. it actually will always come up i think, throughout my entire life.
it's all how i view my current imbalance really, the feeling i actually don't like about discomfort is my response to it. i judge it, try to ignore it, and go on business as usual. this is not the way i should handle these feelings. this is the time to respect my mind body awareness, and use it to my benefit. i can pick up on these moments of fear, aversion, and imbalance by just paying attention to the cues my body is giving me. i feel tired, bored, lazy, and almost a bit ill; like i'm living in someone else's body.
what i'm coming to see is, this is a fine feeling to have. this means i need a change! my body and mind are intelligent and worth listening to. there's nothing wrong with feeling less than ok, but i must do something about it!
this is the time when hayley needs a little extra TLC. unhappiness can actually be a good thing, as my body is asking me to care for it above and beyond what i'm currently doing. my body wants to be healed, it wants me to realize that changes are in need. today i am listening to my body and taking things very slowly. i slept in later than usual and i don't feel guilty for it. i'm going to massage myself today, do some restorative yoga, drink lots of juices and tea, run somewhere i've never been before, take a bath, and do something creative that has nothing to do with purusha.
i need more time for myself to do more than my day to day activities. a routine is a good thing, but when my body is asking for more, i will listen. i feel peace in knowing i can trust my body to tell me when something's wrong. change is here with me now; and the sooner the change comes, the sooner i can move into an even higher level of joy and peace.
we are always evolving and changing, and really the sky is the limit. perhaps in a few weeks after some changes have been made in my life, i'll have moved on up to a whole new level of bliss and calm. i'll find more rooms in my heart i didn't even know were there, all because my body cried out and i listened.
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