no such thing as a perfect being.

my handwriting is really shitty

Every now and then I let my mistakes cloud my current opportunities. I just moved into a little office here on the property we rent. I was really scared to do it, almost scared to grow. Because last time I went out on a limb and moved into my own space it failed. Remember I was renting that work space? The pretty exposed brick wood floor sewing studio? It was kinda a big failure. And I'm still trying to let it go, and visualize that picture that gets passed around. You know, the one with the up and down and backwards line that is success, rather than the straight up line.

I had to try out one of my dreams. I had to try to create that merry little factory I always spoke about. I see now that these "merry little factories" somewhat exist in Los Angeles. They're actually everywhere. People are happy, they work hard. I'm glad and grateful to pay them fairly to make my clothing. I'm not a seamstress or a manager of a sew house, I'm a clothing designer. You cannot do it all. God, I'm finally realizing this. All I can be is me. I will not be a "perfect" being. I'll be the creatively weird, introverted, loyal, over thinking work in progress. I enjoy making clothes and creating Purusha People. Always trying to grow, but yes sometimes frustrated that I must grow so 'effin slow! Ah! Hopefully this means I'll live a long and full life where I never stop trying to find joy in sharing myself with the world.


the internet.

Sometimes I hate the internet.

It's a world where you can put your best self on display, only showing people the pretty parts of your life. It's a world where people get discovered for doing really cool shit, but also get famous for not really doing anything at all. We think we know people because of what they post, and are even friends with people we've never met in "real life".

And I'm kinda really disillusioned with it all. Don't get me wrong, I run an online clothing shop, so I can say I adore some women I've never met. Like, customers and friends from my website and from social media feel SO kindred to me. But I really want more than that. I want to exist in the physical world with you guys. I feel like so much gets lost in the text, in the photos. I want to see you face to face, and build a business beyond this screen. I want more than a virtual reality. I want a real reality.

The internet and real life are such a balance. The web is obviously a huge tool to build your business and connect with people, but it leaves me with a void. I'm longing to develop photos in a dark room (remember those?!) rather than post on instagram, to go on a hike with customers and friends rather than interact with them over email, read books and not facebook comments, and do or create something really cool without feeling the need to document it and share it with everyone on the internet.

That's the really big one for me. What if you make an incredible meal, travel to a new place, meet someone you admire, and don't instagram it!? (Did it really happen then?! Haha!) But for real, I'm truly examining this post-internet part of my brain to see why the frick it is that I want to share share share. I have some friends that don't have much going on social media wise, and crap do I admire that. It's kinda brave in today's society to not be a part of this.

And then you see those people that post everything about their lives on the internet, and that in itself must be such a challenge. Because you are totally vulnerable to all those anonymous people that write dick comments to you, or even non-anonymous people that just want to drag you into their negativity. It's enough to make me want to protect and hide my personal life and only share with people that know and love me.

Balance seems to be always the game of life. Trying to bring it back to the balance. I've met some truly beautiful and kind people because of the internet, I wouldn't have a job without the internet!!! So yeah, I'm extremely grateful for it. It just needs to be moderated for me, that's for sure. It needs to be kept in perspective, and I need to be reminded that it's not reality.

If you have any suggestions on how you find balance between the virtual world and the real world I would love to hear them! And then please, let's get off the computer ;). Xoxo.

Oh! And if you live in the LA area and want to be friends in real life, I'd love to be friends and do something! Email me: hayleylove@gmail.com.



You guys, I finally figured it out!!!! The secret to happiness! Hahaha!! Lalala!!! My work is done!

Just kidding, it's just started. And it's a lot of work. Happiness for me is actually mostly work. It's 80/20. 80% of my time I do things that are hard and I don't want to do, and 20% of the time I can chill. You really would think happiness lies in, well, lying around and vacationing. Of course I live for those things, that's why I work. It's a paradox, life seems to always be that way. You can't have one thing without the other. Too much working = stress and problems in your personal life, too much chill time = regret and laziness. So there's the balance. You kind of have to tell one of the voices in your head to shut up. Yeah, I get it. You don't want to brush your teeth, or put on sunscreen, or dye clothes, or work out, or make yourself 5 meals a day. WHO CARES. Your happiness doesn't care. It will go away if you get lazy or afraid. The instinct to rest, give in to little luxuries, eat sugar and fat and mate with people is there for a reason, but you can't let it become your #1 interest. Work is #1 for me to live and grow into the beautiful being I'm meant to be. Work, by the way, for me is my passion. It's not drudgery (most of the time!); it's my creativity, my discipline, my soul poured out into something physical. I know I'm really fortunate to do what I do, but I see it's become this because of 80/20. Opportunities arise from putting in the time and effort with your whole heart. 

Just keep it up. Keep doing what you love and all is coming. All is coming...

(P.S. Look at me in this photo. LOL. Star Wars tee, 5 finger shoes, fanny pack, big hat, 2 labs... I don't even know what to say about that.)


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