it's funny.  whenever i am about to travel somewhere i don't what to go anymore.  i want to live my normal everyday life and i'm afraid of change.  then once i'm gone for a little while, i don't want to go home.  are you like this too?

it seems that again and again i learn that what comes easily isn't necessarily the best thing.  what pushes you out of your comfort zone, into new surroundings, is what causes you to grow and change your perspective.

while in california for the past week or so i really didn't feel any different.  if anything i thought perhaps i got a tad cranky with my family at times, and missed liam and patrick a lot more than i should have.  when i got home, i thought (as i always do when something is over), 'i could have been kinder', and 'i could have been more appreciative', or 'i could have savored the moments more deeply', etc.

these thoughts, or mini regrets, are life's lessons to me.

and since getting home i feel... different.  in a good way.

i feel like my internal equilibrium is balanced, and i also feel more ready to give than i ever have before.  it's really amazing that giving can be a self-centered thing to do!  when i give my love, my touch, my kindness away, i actually get back about 2X as much as i thought i lost.

this readiness and desire to give comes from my new perspective on my life, a view that can only come from leaving my duties and stepping back from my little collinsville, ct bubble.  california erased the notion that i didn't have enough to share, and that i needed certain things from people.

i have too much already, and i need to share my overflowing cup with those that i love.  giving people hugs, support, and letting them care for me back without feeling indebted; instills within me a courage to live and experience life more fearlessly than ever.

so give what you've got away.  you won't be sorry or regretful EVER.  you will resist at first because it's not that society tells us to do.  the material world encourages us to hoard, that me need more, that we will never have enough.  this is wrong.

love is for sharing, kind words are for giving, and wealth is for spreading.  today, i want you to know that i care for YOU and am sending you a bit of my love through my thoughts and my intentions.



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