being sick is a trip.

c/o vlad

today is a good day! 

everyday of health is a good day.  feeling ill is a sucky, yet eye opening and rejuvenating experience; a completely aware and in the moment way of living for a short time.

most of us get some sort of virus from time to time.  why?  i'm not sure, but i've read in many raw food and alternative health type books that a virus is a cleansing, your body's natural way of detoxing.  i'm not sure where i even heard this, but, something like- we should feel thankful our bodies are strong enough to host this virus, this cleansing and healing event.  we got more 'stomach bugs' when we were young because our bodies were more able to make it through with less struggle.  i used to read a lot of david wolfe's ideas, so it was probably something from one of his books... david's no doctor, but i am a little skeptical of doctor's sometimes because of their lack of education in preventative nutrition and their lobbying by the FDA.

anyways, kinda off topic there, but yeah... i got a nasty lil virus this weekend.  friday afternoon my stomach hurt, friday night fever, saturday puking and more fever, last night more fever fun, and this morning- finally getting better!  woohoo!

laying in bed today doing nothing but resting, drinking carbonated water, and recharging got me thinking: 1. health is so precious and taken for granted, 2. slow down, 3. i don't need to always think about the things i think about everyday!!, and 4. pain keeps us fully immersed in the moment.

so, like everyone else when we get sick, i am so grateful to feel normal and healthy!  oh my gosh- to have an appetite again, to crave food- makes me feel human again... to be able to think about the future in a positive way again, to feel like i can handle what i need to do everyday- prepare food, work, exercise, laugh, create; to feel strength and vitality in my body- this is something i took for granted!  i am amazed and so grateful that my body is able to do what i want it to everyday, and that it works with me and we respect each other.  and yet, there's always room for more respect!  that leads me to my second point: to slow down.

our bodies are organic things, not machines.  we need rest and recharging equally as much as we need work and stimulation and exercise.  i tend to forget this as i am sort of a high energy gal- running everyday, yogaing everyday, working long hours, stressing here and there still, and compromising my health a bit to get what i need done.  this is not ok!!  i've come a long long way in learning to listen and respect my body, but i still have much to learn.  i need downtime and the occasional gentle yoga practice.  so often i practice yoga for a workout- and that's great sometimes- but there has to be a balance.  our health and longevity depend on our body and mind's capability to moderate everything and find enough time for relaxation.  i know americans in particular have this flaw- to work too much and forget how crucial taking it slow is.  today, laying cozy in my bed feverless, i am reminded how fragile our bodies are; and how we must nurture them with gentleness, tranquility, and slower deep breaths.  i vow to dedicate some time out of everyday to slow down and offer moments to listen to where my body is at.

my third thought is i don't need to overthink and rethink and stress!  the past 36 hours i didn't think about anything i normally think about- planning to move in january, i need my mom and dad to move too, will i get my work done fast enough, the purusha orders that are waiting for me, have i ran and yogaed enough today, should i find a way to teach yoga, i need to call this person back, i want to write a children's book, patrick and i need some more time together, i need to go to bed earlier, etc etc a million times over!  silly thoughts- thoughts that don't change reality at all- but rather only lead to my stress and my fears.  they are so useless.  get 'em out of here!  no more- i don't want you thoughts.  this is an easy thing to do when we're in pain, because our minds are already full.. but much harder in normal everyday life.  to rid myself of these thoughts, i need to watch my mind diligently everyday, slow myself, and take those deep breaths of awareness.

my last little notion is about pain.  pain, ughh it sucks, we all know how it hurts.  but with that pain, we get something we rarely achieve without it.  we find awareness of the moment.  yesterday, as i took a hot bath and laid on the bathroom floor, i was nowhere else but there.  my mind wasn't thinking of tomorrow or next month, it was right there with my groans and my chills and my weakness.  i wanted to escape that moment SO badly, but there was nowhere else to go. every time in my life i've felt pain and grief, i've also felt consciousness and timelessness. pain is our reminder that we are temporary beings, and that all we have is now.  

yeah, being sick is a trip!  and a blessing.  i'm SO lucky i'm healthy and that this illness was short.  i'm beyond grateful for today and for the body's incredible ability to heal itself.  it truly feels like a miracle.  and i'm lucky to be reminded that i can always change the way i live my daily life.  some things weren't working for me and i feel now like i'm ready to change.  more time for the slower gentler hayley... she's been last on the list for too long.  i am learning to return to my true self.

today, i will continue resting and taking it oh so easy:  miso, seltzer, a little sunshine, and lots of love and care.

i wish you all much love, light, ease, and health today!  namaste.

c/o aesthetic focus