wonder.

i often find myself pondering humanity, as i'm pretty sure most people do from time to time.  when i'm out on my runs especially, i have nothing else to do but think, or not think, breathe, and wonder.

i think about people a lot.  i look at my fragile body and all the layers i have to put on to brave the cold, and notice the stark contrast between humans and the natural world.  we've come so far from being simply animals.

sometimes i wonder if we'd be better off as the ancestors we evolved from, before we developed 'consciousness'.  though we've made things easier for ourselves with heat, food readily available, clothes, technology, etc.; we still have so many problems, so much fear and hatred.

i know it must have been difficult pre-homo sapien era, to survive and find food and reproduce.  and with all the advancements we have now, i guess it's a trade off.  we don't have to fight for survival in the same ways anymore, though i suppose we do have to survive these days with making enough money to live on.

it's not like we could go back anyways.  we are locked in time here, and of course i am truly grateful for what the people before me have done to make my life more comfortable and less dangerous.  yet, when i'm running outside, i still have this tinge of sadness that we are so separate now from nature.  we all want to go back somehow; by eating more plants and wild meat, setting up parks in cities, preserving land for wild animals, living in the country... but there's no going back now.

we are self aware.  i understand the bible is a collection of myths and beautiful poetry, and this self-awareness makes me think of adam and eve realizing they are naked.  and then we had to leave the garden.  it feels like to me, in our evolution, that once we realized who we were, we had to differentiate ourselves from the wild-living-on-instincts-only beings.  we had to put on the clothes and fence in our own little gardens.

there's no stopping the survival of the fittest.  but that doesn't mean i don't long to live like the "less fit" and belong to mother earth like the animals do.

i'm thinking the best we can do with this separation from nature is not destroy nature; and give so much honor and respect to the earth, water, and sky that birthed us.  thinking beings that we are, we still have to play by the laws of nature.

yet, we don't.  we feel we humans are masters of the planet, and can just pave roads anywhere we want!  and genetically engineer plants, mistreat and abuse animals for food, pollute the seas with our waste, pollute the air with emissions we drilled for deep in the earth's surface.  it's seriously fucked up, and i wish SO badly we could live better.  i wish we could live more like the wild animals.

so- ha- this is a tangent my mind goes to quite frequently when i run.  in between planning for purusha and a little positive self talk.  it's funny 'cause there i am running, planning my business, so i can do the same exact thing animals do- reproduce and perhaps provide a better future for my offspring.

that's basically why i do what i do everyday and why i bust my ass trying to make something of myself.  so i can make money and help people, so i can have children and hope they are nicer and smarter than me.  this is what all livings beings instinctually do.

maybe we aren't that far gone as a species.  we all want the same things, basically.  i have hope that we can evolve to be better and more responsible people.  and i vow to live in the most responsible, aware, compassionate manner i can.

i leave you with a quote i love by the brilliant carl sagan:

"Our intelligence and our technology have given us the power to affect the planet. How will we use this power? Are we willing to tolerate ignorance and complacency in matters that affect the entire human family? Do we value short-term advantages above the welfare of the Earth? Or will we think on longer time scales, with concern for our children and our grandchildren, to understand and protect the complex life-support systems of our planet? The Earth is a tiny and fragile world. It needs to be cherished."