the leader.

oh mama! i'm finally starting to catch my breath. the past 4 weeks or so have been sort of insane for me. just non-stop work. and stress. and tiredness. pretty common territory for running your own business though, don't you think?

i really had no idea that moving into our new studio space would be so complicated. buying sewing machines, hiring a new person, actually working with the people i hire (not working from our separate homes!), trying to maximize our production capacities, out sourcing our dyeing and printing, and actually becoming a BOSS... it's all so new. it's required me to stay on my toes and act fast when problems arose. i think i'm doing a decent job of it. or at least i tell myself this. you have to. pep talks and mantras like "i am powerful" and "i love to meet challenges" have become a ritual for me as i make the commute to work. i've always prided myself on being an awesome employee, that's all i've ever known. but to be an awesome boss, damn it's a trip. it's a journey to get to that head space, and to realize you have all the power. obviously not in a sick way, but in a way that makes you own it. i have to be more confrontational than i'm comfortable with, and not worry all the time about being liked and being the nicest person in the world. you just have to get the job done and be the leader.

i think the idea of becoming a leader has been the hardest part for me. making lists and plans and organizing, that's all good. but to be the foundation, the rock that supports the whole business, it's going to take a little more development than 4 weeks. i know this is just the beginning. i've been trying to channel some people i've worked for in my life that i've respected. they weren't my best friend, they made sure to correct me when i did something wrong (but didn't act like a dick about it), they complimented me when i did something right, and believed i was capable of good work. i want to be one of them. 

i think i can.