my pregnancy journal : 8

Monday, August 31, 2015



sitting in baby's antique rocking chair!

How far along?
32 weeks and 1 day. Shit is getting real now!

How big is the peanut?
Well the little man should be almost 4 lbs now, hopefully! At our last doctor's appointment Dr. Chang said he was measuring about 1.5 weeks behind in weight, so I'm hoping it was an error or he's all caught up now. God, it's hard to not let things like that worry you, when things aren't "perfect" at each appointment. More on that later...

Total weight gain/loss?
My last doctor's appt I was 20 lbs heavier, but I'm guessing it's even more now. I feel so huge sometimes! And it's going everywhere, it's unstoppable! My body is getting really good at storing fat! I'm actually trying to eat more because I noticed some days I wasn't eating enough, so I'm trying to get way more of everything- protein, fat, carbs, fruits, veggies. This is becoming a full time job, all the eating and resting. My runs are slowing down majorly too. I pretty much just hike and walk now, run just a tiny bit, do little circuits, and yoga of course.

Maternity clothes?
I'm at the point where I hate wearing clothes and getting dressed. Nothing is comfortable. If I could walk around naked I would. It's been really hot too, so it's just a few dresses at this point that fit me.

Sleep?

Sleep is good! No huge complaints! I have to get up and pee a lot, but I sleep well most of the time, and really want to sleep often.

Best moment this week?
Probably the day I didn't have much work and I watched like 8 Seinfeld reruns and laid down for hours. Laying down is my favorite now.

Symptoms?
They're here, finally! Getting into the thick of it now! I went to the doctor's about a week and half ago, and well, yes I have symptoms. Excuse me, I went to the hospital and the doctor. It ended up being totally unnecessary, but it had to be done. I was running (actually one of the last times I ran more than a mile or 2), and tons of water came out. I thought my water broke! I've been doing my Kegel exercises, so I didn't think it was pee, and it didn't smell like pee. I called my doctor and he said to come down to the hospital where he was at the time (also the hospital I'm delivering at). I was realllly scared. The thought of going into labor at 30 weeks and a few days is terrifying. I cried, and Patrick luckily googled stuff and stayed calm for us. He drove us to the hospital, and no more water came out so that was a good sign. They tested me for amniotic fluid and it was negative. So giant PHEW! What it was, I don't know. A mixture of cervical fluid and pee? (Yeah, these posts are getting less pretty aren't they?! LOL.) But that was a scare, and I don't really run now.

After we were at the hospital my doctor suggested we come for our tri-weekly appointment which was supposed to be the next day because we were in the area. Full of relief and joy we gladly went to our regular appointment. At which we got some annoying (but not terrible, obviously) notifications. One, I have some sort of double indirect hernia. I thought it was round ligament pain, but Dr. Chang thinks it's a hernia. I probably never noticed it because I didn't have pressure on it, but now that there's this baby and placenta up there it's pushing down. It hurts a little bit and feels like a lump. I can deal with it, but it's not ideal. It doesn't effect the baby, so really who cares. Two, we were also told he's slightly small, which is worrisome, but I've heard these ultrasound measurements can be wrong. We're going to see where he's at in about a week and a half.

Besides that I just feel mostly tired, pooping sucks, and I feel fat. I still feel like my pregnancy has been easier though than I thought, and I feel really lucky it's been mostly smooth :)

Food cravings?
Not really. Eating this much can be a chore sometimes, but I've been enjoying cooking and baking a bit more recently. I feel very nesty- like I want to do cozy special things. Patrick and I have been dreaming about moving back East somewhere and getting lots of land and having a house we actually own! Hoping it will be someday soon :)

Food aversions?
No.

Labor signs?
Well the fluid thing, but no Braxton Hicks yet. We are thinking more about birth, that's for sure!

Belly button in or out?
In! Still!

What I miss?
Not having a painful hernia. Not getting out of breath while exercising. Shitting normally.

What I'm looking forward to?
Fall! And obviously meeting him, and feeling what labor will be like. But this time of year is always fun, all the holidays ahead, and we get to have a baby! It's hard to get down with those things to look forward to.

Milestones?
Being ok with being fatter. It's lame, but even as a pregnant woman I feel pressure to be "all belly", and not gain fat elsewhere. But with my body type that's just now how I do it. I think I could barely eat (not that I would ever be that stupid), and still be putting on weight and fat. Sometimes I compare myself to taller women that seem thin except for their belly, and wish I could be like that. But then, who gives a shit!!!! I'm pregnant and my baby is healthy, that's all I could ever ask for. I am relearning how to love my body, and I know once I go into labor and have this boy I will feel that even more so. It's a journey, and I have to be super mindful of the thoughts I take in and practice immense gratitude.

Bump?
Um, yeah duh! No one doesn't think I'm preg now!

How are you bonding with your baby?
I'm focusing on birthing without fear. Easier said than done, that's for sure. But I know I will have a much easier birth if I go into it with an open mind, a curious mind, and a happy mind. I'm telling myself I'm excited, I want to be really relaxed and have a positive experience. I'm definitely aware stuff can happen, but I'm trying to be open to all the possibilities of his arrival. He's kicking right now as I type. I love him so much. I'm so lucky to have this family of our little babe, Patrick, Byron, and Liam. Me and my boys!


my pregnancy journal : 7

Sunday, August 16, 2015


How far along?
30 weeks! This feels like a big amount right now :)

How big is the peanut?
About 3 lbs. If he was born now he would most likely be ok. Which obviously I don't want, but it's comforting to know.

Total weight gain/loss?
20 lbs so far. When I first heard from my doctor to expect to gain 25-35 lbs I thought he was crazy. I thought, 'I take care of myself, eat well and exercise, there is NO way that will happen to me.' Ha well look at me now! My body just does what it does. I've surrendered. I take care of myself and eat like I did pre-pregnancy, run (shorter distances and more slowly!) and do weight training and yoga, and still my body stores fat everywhere. None of my shorts or jeans fit over my ass, a lot of my tops are too tight on my arms and back. Whatever. Babe is healthy, I'm healthy. It's alllll good!

Maternity clothes?
Thinking I need to design cute maternity shorts. Still mad they don't exist. I wonder if I should come out with a maternity line? I feel like the market is super lacking. And stuff can't be expensive. It's REALLY hard to put down money on stuff that won't fit the same in a few months. I've been living in dresses, athletic clothing, and that's really all I can squeeze into. I wear a lot of the same clothes over and over. It's also been like 105 degrees here so... yeah, clothes are not easy.

Sleep?

Once I fall asleep I am good! I can sleep for like 10 hours. But I've been having a little trouble falling asleep. I'm sure I could change that if I got off my iPhone sooner and had more of a nightly wind-down routine. I need to work on that.

Best moment this week?
Hmmm... that's a tough one! My life has kinda been business as usual. Pregnancy is getting less comfortable. It's no big thing yet, but exercising hard is getting, well, hard. And I'm quite tired. Overall though I'm pretty happy. Liam's having some weird hearing issues which is making his mobility tough, Byron is as wild and kind as ever, my relationship with Patrick is deeply wonderful. I am a broken record here, but I'm realllly lucky!

Symptoms?
There are more now! Kicking is getting more aggressive. Sometimes he gets a limb or his head (?) pushing so hard in one direction and it feels crazy weird until he moves back into a less spread eagle position. Haha, that's what I'm picturing anyways. I have 2 sore little lumps below my belly, and from my expert google research I think its round ligament pain. I also pee like 100 times a day now. I feel like the little guy is just stomping on my bladder. He is just living it up in there. Haha! Overall I believe my pregnancy has been fairly easy and uneventful, which I realize I'm beyond blessed for. When I read the online baby stuff for the week I always feel relieved to be missing out on a lot of symptoms.

Food cravings?
None. But I've been loving making 'Greek meals'. I honestly don't even think they're 'Greek', I've never been to Greece. We just call them that, our Greek dinners. Always some crusty Ciabatta type bread dipped in olive oil, olives, a variety of cheeses, sausage or tuna, and salad. Just easy to make and fun to eat!

Food aversions?
None!

Labor signs?
None. But definitely thinking about labor these days! We're doing a hospital tour this week, I'm gonna sign up for an online Lamaze class, and we're doing a birthing class at the hospital in September. Part of me wants to do none of that and pretend it's just never gonna happen!

Belly button in or out?
In.

What I miss?
A lot of my clothes. That's it I think!

What I'm looking forward to?
Well I guess at this point it's just meeting the little guy! There isn't much else on the immediate horizon. I can truly say though I'm enjoying the moment and am grateful he's alive and well in my belly. I'm sure all will be well with delivery and his birth, but I always have in the back of my mind gratitude for him as he is now, pure and simple. Not wishing for him to be anywhere else.

Milestones?
Ugh I did the terrible diabetes test at the doctor, where you drink the most sugary drink in the world in 5 minutes and then can't drink water. That almost gave me a panic attack. Not quite a milestone right? But got that over with and don't have diabetes, and I don't think I'm deficient in any nutrients either! So that's a relief. I've been drinking more milk, eating more yogurt, eating more meat (and of course the usual fruits and veggies), to be sure I'm getting calcium and iron. Lots of oils too :) So it feels nice to do this all for the little man. Um I guess another milestone would be I'm beginning to feel more like a sexy pregnant woman. Like, I feel sensual and I freaking LOVE Patrick right now. I have these moments of honeymoon-y feelings where it's like we just started dating. I love him so much it makes me cry. But then again, I'm loosely on the brink of crying frequently now. Should probably list that under 'symptoms'. Forgot about that one. I suppose it's like my emotions right now are just right there. No filter. I like it.

Bump?
Bigger, slow and steady.

How are you bonding with your baby?
Well the usual I guess! Meditation and yoga! I hope taking the time 5 days a week to breathe and relax with him transfers into him being a relaxed person. I rub my belly often and just think about all the love I have for him, the dogs, for Patrick and for my life. It's a really lovely feeling. Gosh thinking about it right now I just might cry. I'll leave it at that. Pregnancy is a beautiful time. :)

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