Newborn

Hi!! It's been so long, and so much has changed for lil ol me. How are you?!

The biggest change has obviously been having a baby. Not just 'a baby', but my sweet little angel buddy Shepherd. My whole perspective on life has changed, I'm now forced to see the big picture. I don't have time for hour long yoga sessions, the house seems to always be dirty, I can only sleep in one position at night with Shep next to me, I often have to wolf down dinner in 10 minutes so Sheppy doesn't cry, and sometimes I go an entire week without leaving the house (besides my hikes and runs in the neighborhood and in the canyon). Other moms told me I'd have to make many sacrifices, but I didn't believe that would be me. I thought I'd be different. But guess what, I'm not! I'm just like every other mama out there, I'm in the very exclusive mommy club now! It feels good :) I know someday in the future I'll have time again, time to get better at handstands and vacuum the couch and learn to draw better. All in good time, there's time for that later. You can't get caught up in what's missing now as a mama. Thoughts of lack are completely nonsensical when you've been given the ultimate gift of a healthy happy baby. It's the best thing ever.

Though lately I've been craving creation in other forms. I miss writing and making things with my hands. I miss getting my hands dirty to hand screen print things I think are cool and beautiful! So here I am again, open to receive inspiration and open to share what I love. It's taken me a long journey to get back to this place.

I just finished reading The Neverending Story by Michael Ende. It's soooooooo much better than the movie! So much more philosophy and depth of thought. You HAVE to read it if you haven't already. I ugly cried my way through the last 75 pages. Basically Bastian becomes a tyrannical leader in Fantastica (it's not called Fantasia in the book. I do like Fantasia better), and had to become someone he's not to become no one to start all over. He learned that his ultimate wish was to be loved and love others. He had it all- a kingdom of his creation, good looks, bravery, wealth- but he lost himself completely in those things and became empty inside. Bastian even forgot his own name, but was reborn with the love of a mother like being and by bathing in the golden waters of life to return to earth and give love to his father. It's so damn beautiful, it's like an acid trip, this book.

Anyways, I hated Bastian throughout most of book, until the end when he goes to the house of change and begins to figure out his ultimate wish. We really do have to try something out, take a risk and maybe change who we are (be it better or worse), to get on the path we need to go on. There are no mistakes because this path has led me to where I am right now.

I like where I am. I kinda feel like a newborn right along side Shepherd. I'm not sure what clicked in my brain, but it almost feels like the beginning. I feel as inspired and excited about creating for Purusha as I did 7 years ago. It's different now, I'm not as naive or as scattered or as, dare I say, arrogant. I feel like I'm done trying to be clever and done trying to 'sell something'. I want people to buy my clothes, but I'm not gonna try to force an image on the brand or try to make it something it's not. I think I lost something very special when I  removed my personal touch from the products. I just want to create what I love, share what I love, and let go of the results. If I made it with loving intentions and from a place of authenticity I've done everything right. I have no expectations. It's just all love.

I'm here to produce beauty. Creating it and sharing it is my medicine. I'm so excited for the next leg of my journey. I hope you'll come ride along with me. Namaste friends!