28 weeks!

Hello! Well, things sure have changed in the past two months. Nothing serious! Lucky for me. But more like... inconveniences. I took for granted with Shep's pregnancy that I didn't have really anything too uncomfortable. The worst of it was heartburn, which didn't even happen until the last couple weeks of pregnancy. I have heartburn starting now, at 28 weeks. It's not bad yet, but I can feel it starting, that burning in the back of my throat when I lay down. Oh yeah, I also still have waves of nausea. They go away quickly, but they come over me unexpectedly, and I feel myself groaning/sighing almost involuntarily. I feel sick sitting in the car, laying on my back, when I need more water, very early in the morning when I can't sleep. These are all the things I feel safe talking about with others.

The things I don't want to talk about are... well, pretty gross. It took me a few days before I could even speak the word aloud to anyone, but it's hemorrhoid, aka piles, aka who in the fuck doctor/scientist was like, yes, let's also call this condition 'piles'. I told my Mom it's also called this and she was like 'ohhhh.. how many will pile up?' It's making me laugh now, it's out in the open and I can take care of it, but still, it's not a hot topic on BabyCenter forums or something women share with each other. I know it's pretty common, so I wanted to share it with any other mamas reading so they know they're not alone and it's not something we have to hide because it's not "cute", like swollen fingers. So... my veins below my belly are just not having it this time. I've got the H (just one, now that's cute, right?!), round ligament variscosity, and vulvar variscosity. Basically, it's all collapsing, the veins are maxed out. Already, at 28 weeks. I absolutely understand though I'm lucky, none of this affects Goldie, it's just something I need to get through. Epsom salt baths every night are the highlight of my day. 

I am enjoying how active baby is! She kicks a lot, she's already low key. I don't have the time to reflect on her as much as I did Shep, she fits in with our lives, as I know she will when she's born. I have a feeling Shep will be the bigger baby of the two as time goes on. He enjoys it I think! I am treasuring my time with him, he's been such a little sweetie. He kisses my belly a lot and says he loves Goldie, and he loves me so much. I have such a richness in love, Shep couldn't be any more affectionate. I got him to stop nursing at night! So that's headed in the right direction to exclusively nurse Goldie, and he really only nurses in the day if he's tired or exceptionally grumpy. His favorite thing is to cuddle with my belly. I can't imagine a nicer big brother!

Three months from now she'll be born! It feels too soon, and too long at the same time because of my body. I feel REALLY old lately. Kinda beat. I don't know how people have a bunch of kids. This is most likely it for me. 35 in childbearing years feels like 60. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy these days of having a baby within me, it's an experience that's indescribable. I know I'll miss it and long for it again someday. With all the pains and inconveniences, it's still a holy and precious time, a time to not be taken for granted and wished to be over. Fertility is such a short window in a woman's life, I want to soak it all up, hemorrhoid and all.