woah.

good day!

i am loving 2012 so far, are you?!

i love it because all of a sudden i have this huge desire to change, and to take full responsibility for my life.  we humans are funny and awesome like that- that something like the changing of a date can trigger our metamorphosis.  

like i said a few posts ago, i understand change is slow.  this is a good thing.  it allows patience and time to habituate ourselves.  

anywho, we are all changing everyday!  isn't that wonderful!?

a big change i'm making is to let go of my yoga asana practice, or the rigorous exercises i put my body through everyday.  i'm not "quitting" or anything like that, i've just recognized my asana is no longer serving me.

everyday i practice yoga poses and go on a run.  i can honestly say i enjoy working my body, but somehow i've been neglecting to work my mind.  duh!  what happened?!

i mean, yeah, i work and develop my business each day, but i don't take enough time to truly strengthen my mind.

i had this revelation the other day: the body = the mind, and the mind = the body.  pretty simple.  they aren't separate, and neglecting one leads to neglect of the system as a whole.  

and then i was listening to spotify's dr. jeffrey thompson radio and heard the best 'song' ever!!  the best piece of music and spoken word for me at that very moment.

the universe really is delivering it's half of the bargain to me, and i am so grateful.  we are definitely meeting each other half way- horray!

the music i heard that i fell in love with was a piece of hypnosis.  more specifically, self esteem hypnosis.  i tried it out yesterday while sitting on my mat and found myself deeply relaxed and building a very small love for myself.  

i think all of us struggle with doubts and lack of self esteem from time to time.  but why?  i don't think we have to think like that.

the hypnosis told me:  good things just happen to me.  i deserve success, money, and love.  i am confident about myself and my future.  i attract just what i need all the time.  i am becoming brighter and softer everyday.  i will meet my dreams.  stuff like that!  WOAH! (that's a joey lawrence woah)!

i don't tell myself things like that throughout the day.  i'm not extremely negative or anything, but i think i let my mind go off sometimes to tangents that end up at fearful and timid places.  but that's only because of the words i tell myself to be true.  so why not change those words?  what do we have to lose?!

one of my intentions this year is to meditate every morning.  great intention.  i'm starting everyday with self hypnosis.  it's pretty crazy- 30 minutes can go by in a snap when you are in deep relaxation mode.  it's really quite fun!

so my yoga asana- of course i still love the health benefits and how it makes me feel in my body, but for now it's going to take a backseat to my meditation.  i need meditation more.  

and when i look at why i practice yoga postures, i'll admit it is often for egotistical reasons.  to keep fit, build muscles, show off my hand stand (haha ughh!!  who cares right?!  it's just amateur gymnastics!), etc.  not that there is anything terribly wrong with any of that.  however that kind of practice has its place, and i don't think its worth devoting most of my free time to.  i realize yoga asana practice for others might not be as superficial, just for me, i'm saying it can be.

meditation is almost the opposite for me- very humbling, very grounding.  i'm not moving my body, so there's nothing material i can really compare myself to at that time.  there's only my busy busy mind there, waiting and wanting to go into autopilot mode so it can do what it thinks it needs to do.  

that is, until i introduce my self hypnosis, my new mantras to regain pilotship of my mind.  after only 2 days of practicing positive phrases i feel like such a happier and more relaxed person.  yep, change is slow, there will be set backs.  as long as we stay on the path and keep devoting ourselves to worthy discipline, our lives will keep unfolding and revealing beauty as long as we live.  just gotta put in the effort and never give in to mediocrity.

letting go of my yoga practice, i feel really free.  like i had this regimen i thought i must adhere to, yet i wasn't questioning if it was working for me and making me a better person.  hehe, kind of like a slave to yoga.  oh boy.  

i've felt sort of disillusioned from yoga for a while.  yogis are no different (in my opinion) from other people.  we can decide to be mindful compassionate beings without a yoga practice.  my partner patrick is the sweetest most respectful man i know, and he barely practices yoga.  he's a musician, a deep thinker, an investor.  in fact, some yogis i've come across are some of the most hypocritical judgmental people i know! ah!

i'm super pumped about my new found dedication to my mental health.  i can't believe i've gone this long without exercising it.  i'm beyond excited to see where i can go from here now that i'm just beginning to get my mind in check.

one more thing, this post is getting long!  my mom came by yesterday and told me she had one more christmas gift for me!  i opened up the lovely box, and inside is a gorgeous hand made fair trade meditation cushion!!! what?!  i didn't even tell her yet about my new passion!  isn't it beautiful when things like that happen?

well, i'd better go and live my day.  i vow to live it by my positive truthful words, and i wish you the same!  love and sweetness to you all!