feeling more like home.

i love time. it heals, it restores, it creates wisdom. and it makes things familiar...

patrick, liam, and i have lived in california for 7 1/2 months, and i'm beginning to feel like i actually belong here a bit more than before. i used to be afraid- of the roads, of all the strangers, of how much bigger everything is, of the unknown. i didn't know how to get anywhere without mapping it on my phone and i felt like driving through LA was a small piece of hell. i got nervous meeting people (should i ask them for their contact info so we can be friends?! i need friends!) and felt really isolated. i didn't feel all that confident about launching myself, my brand, and my vision here. i was full of doubt.

the beginning is always the hardest part. the start of a long run, tackling a project, taking up a new hobby; man i have so much respect for the beginner! 'cause in the beginning you have to fight. and things are challenging so they're not really fun yet.

but the beginning is now beginning to fade into the now, the moments of easiness are returning. i actually noticed it for the first time last week driving home from the fashion district, and my hands weren't their usual sweaty selves on the wheel. i felt relaxed, like i was driving on my turf. even the stupid traffic felt ok, because it felt like it was mine, something i'm now in, not looking at it all from the outside. and when i pulled off the pch onto topanga canyon blvd, i felt like aaaaah. really at home. the windey canyon roads feel safer to me now, i trust myself and the decisions i'm making. i'm making friends with people i really like, people that make me laugh and inspire me. i feel good about getting purusha people out here where it belongs. i trust los angeles to be good to me, if i'm good to her.

i know things don't magically become all good and easy, that's for sure. shit's gonna happen, nothing's perfect, and no location can fix that. i'm just saying with the accumulation of time, our little wooden house deep in the canyons of topanga is feeling quite like home these days.


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