heaviness and light.

today we are all mourning. i feel angry, saddened, disappointed, frustrated, grateful, lucky, relieved, scared... my tears and thoughts are with the people of newtown, connecticut today, my home state. we are all in such disbelief.

the thought of luck passed through my mind this morning. so much of our live's happiness depends upon luck. it's some sort of good luck when your child or relative survived the shooting, and bad luck when your person was the one to die at the scene. and it's totally unfair and makes no sense. loosing my big sister in a car accident, i kinda know this thought process... why me? why my family? out of all the survivors, why did we lose? why didn't i stop her from going there today? and in an incident like this one, shit, i can't even imagine the extent of these thoughts. such a ruthless, cruel, careless act on completely innocent people. it boils my blood and floods my eyes.

gun control and better mental health care aside, today i am just reveling in gratitude for what i have. everyone i love is safe, that's all that matters to me. crazy thing is, life has the power to change all this in an instant. your happy times and safety can be stolen right out from under you. so lets sink in deep, deep into the arms of kindness, love, and the people that make up our hearts. it is all too precious and not to be taken for granted for one moment.

i made this video yesterday while trail running... i feel it even more today.