a night in the life of me :)

hello fellow beings out there, seekers of truth and happiness <3

today is a difficult day in many places in the world, and my heart is really burning for the people of japan (and for people all over the world suffering).  i love being alive, but life is just not fair.  not that it's supposed to be, but fully so much of our lives are luck of the draw.  we're born without choosing our parents, without choosing our upbringing; and then we continue to live as best we can with what we know, making choices and finding paths that we believe in.  and then shit is going to happen along the way.  we all will be affected with loss and tragedy.  to live is to sign up for all the madness and sadness that comes along with the joy and the love.

i feel so blessed, and i keep saying this word maybe because i lack the vocabulary for something more creative; but truly i am surrounded by goodness in all areas of my life in this moment.  sometimes i'm not sure about the word 'blessed', because i'm thinking why do i get all these blessings and a child in the gaza strip doesn't?  is he just not blessed?  is he cursed?  

i'm delighted and joyful to have things going well in my life, but sometimes it's hard to believe it's true when there's so much suffering in the world.  it's kinda like how i feel about moving to southern california- i'm afraid my life will start to become too good to be true- in such a picture perfect location, doing what i love with people i love.  what if it really is too good to be true and then suffering comes my way?  it's happened to me before.  yet, i know i shouldn't live in fear or make decisions based on fear, but then in my mind i go back to the thought- the world is full of heartache and insanity, injustice and hypocrisy- why do i deserve less of it than others?  why have i been lucky enough to be raised in america, never starved, never been beaten, born at the right time?

sometimes my mind and heart just feel like lead with these questions, and there are no answers.  i hope i'm not unnecessarily bumming anyone out here, once in a while i have to pour my thoughts out in words and then let them go...

i typically feel pretty humorous and light, and again i feel so fortunate for that.  anyways, thank you for sharing in my thoughts.

i've been posting on what i do during the day, so i thought i'd share what i sometimes do at night before i post the final part 5 of my day in the life series.  

the other night patrick and i decided to chill out and watch the texas chainsaw massare on netflix.  haha chill out and watch a horror movie, sounds like an oxymoron.  we drank a decent amount of italian red wine, so we were feeling bright <3  i've never seen this movie, so it was fun and a lot less gory than i've come to expect from horror films.  i also didn't like the characters that much in it, so i didn't feel as emotional when they were killed.  i was kinda like, hmm well you deserved it walking into a stranger's house uninvited... and really?  you're going to go looking for the others after they've been missing all afternoon into the night?  why not call the police?  and you're going to pick up this hitchhiker?  and keep talking to him after he cuts his own hand open?  hmmm... i didn't have too much sympathy for the people, but i guess if what they did made sense it wouldn't be a movie. hehe.  i like watching scary movies, and then after the movie feeling so comforted that life isn't like this.  

yes, life is unpredictable and frightening at times, but i doubt i'm gonna have a man chasing me with a chainsaw.  so that's a relief.  

my boys waiting for me to come watch with them :)

how did i get so lucky?  living room magic here.

my loves in the evening glow of wine.

tomorrow i'll be back with my last day in the life post!

sending all my friends love and positivity!  have a relaxing and peaceful weekend!