i'll drive.

last night (or this morning) i kept having a repetitive dream. i'd wake for a bit and then go right back in it. why does this only happen in the stupid and scary dreams? in the dream i was in a hurry and driving through burlington, VT somehow mixed with the scenery of canton and simsbury, CT. typical, 'some nights' by fun was playing on the radio. the main thing i remember from the dream was being in the driver's seat, and then getting scared and pulling myself over to the passenger seat. but then i would be even more scared because i wasn't controlling the car, just watching it begin to swerve into the other lane. so i jumped back over to the driver seat and drove for a bit, then got scared again that i wasn't a good driver and dove into the passenger seat. over and over. trapped in a crazy roller coaster car ride blasting that increasingly annoying song. this dream seemed so silly in the brief moments i woke up to roll over in bed, but now as i think about it, it's very meaningful for me. often i tell myself habitual stories of fear and worry and i feel like i can't be a leader. but then the thought of being a follower, a mere passenger while no one is driving is about a 1000 times more unsettling. i posted a photo on my purusha facebook page last night that said, "decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it". maybe this conjured up my dream. it can be frightening to face the fears that come up when you make moves toward your goals. but truly i know that those tiny fears don't feel nearly as bad as regret, or dissatisfaction with yourself for letting the coward take the wheel. and, fear is natural. there is nothing wrong with a little fear. driving is dangerous, and we have to be cautious. but the point of life, and my dream, is to get real comfortable with what scares you. it is the only way to happiness. today i'm thinking i would much rather be in the driver seat and realize the strong, passionate, brave woman that i am! namaste.