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2013 promises.

happy last day of 2012!

this year has been really equally challenging and rewarding. a lot of shit happened, a lot of exciting stuff happened, i moved cross country, baby purusha is beginning to walk... my internal quest to love myself has deepened, yet i am still 100% aware that there will always be more to learn and more space to grow. the journey never stops!

last night i really hurt my shoulder doing push-ups. so this morning i had kind of a really nice mellow yoga practice and meditation, though slightly painful in certain positions! ouch! really makes you appreciate your usual lack of pain.

anyways, i made some resolutions, i put my intentions for 2013 out into the atmosphere. 2013 has the potential to hold all my dreams in its hands if i put my half of the work in. the universe, luck, time, love... these pieces make up the other half.

here are my promises for 2013:

1. more gratitude. whenever i feel a little down, insecure, afraid... i just remember how much goodness i have. my boys, my happy home, my health, my family. it's more than enough.

2. more laughter. stressful times, scary experiences, intimidating scenarios call for silliness. just laugh it off. life is like a lucid dream. i can decide to make fun of a situation and let it go.

3. more harmony. to me, this equals a rich life. balancing out work and play, friends and alone time, sweets and healthy food, time on the internet and time away from the cyber world. just seeking out the middle ground constantly and finding peace there.

4. more going after. just going for it, go get it hayley. opportunities and success are here now waiting for me if only i find the courage to try. in 2013 i want more going after all that gives me that heart thumping/should i or shouldn't i?!/this is scary!! feeling. it is so worth it.

5. more healthy foods. the past few nights i've had dreams about animals. i dreamt i was hiking with a pack of wild dogs last night. another dream last night was all my teeth were loose and falling out one by one. the night before i dreamt i caught a fish and cut its head off and ate it. i felt sad for the fish, but i could go through with the death so i have life process. i've made the decision to return to vegetarianism. i've already been back for the past week or so, and i feel really secure about it. no more guilty feelings. 2013 i'd like to continue eating plenty of vegetables, fish, fruits, and a little chocolate here and there (ok, let me be serious, a lot of chocolate. lol).

and that's it. i've sent these intentions out into the world, and i'm ready to work for them.

i've been digging this song. i pretend norah is singing these words to me :

happy new year to you my beloved reader! thank you with all my heart for taking the time to check out my posts in 2012. i am so grateful. may your last evening of 2012 wrap up all your successes and happiness and carry them tenfold into 2013. namaste.

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up north

this time last week we were living it up!! aw, looking at these photos, i miss being on vacation! last week patrick, liam, and i all traveled up to yountville, near napa, and to the muir woods. it was heaven! we stayed at the sweetest little b & b that left treats out for liam, and had a giant outdoor bathtub and a fireplace! just down the road were wine tastings galore and the best french restaurant we've ever been to. and we visited the magical muir woods, hugged trees and inhaled the woody healing energy. i didn't want our trip to ever end... we came home though with some pretty awesome wines from napa and sonoma, and plenty of warm memories to fill my heart until we can go back again.

have a beautiful weekend!

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my purusha style

good afternoon my dear ones! i'm going to begin posting photos of myself in purusha once a week. that's one of my new year's resolutions. lol :). because i want you all to know that i am pretty into my purusha duds! i dress super casual most days, and am usually wearing something purusha. this morning on my run i wore the samantha pants, and the NEW and coming soon organic cotton sports bra and cute girly striped tank! they were super comfy and functional. and i'm still wearing all these clothes today, with clogs, a plaid shirt, and a sweater. hope you have a beautiful night! xo.

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returned and refreshed.

coming home from a vacation is bittersweet, isn't it?

i was just getting used to no responsibilities, no cooking, no dishes to wash, emails can wait until i get back... yet at the same time i am reminded of how much i love my work. having a purpose each day, a plan, a reason to exist is everything.

it's the transition that's the tricky part, leaving behind days of pure pleasure and ease, and moving back into the effort, the cleaning, the busy stuff. and i want to hold on to that relaxation i gained while i was gone, i want this simple perspective to remain with me.

i must admit i'm pretty excited to get back to purusha: in a literal sense, my business, but also in a figurative sense, the meaning of purusha. purusha is the divine, the sacred, the beautiful life force within each of us, that we all share. there's enough purusha to go around. i plan on returning to my work with a changed outlook, with a simpler and more pure vision, and with a more devoted and creative ethic of work. for the first time ever, i'm taking some risks. because i believe in what i'm creating. that right there makes any and all of the risks worth it.

i believe in purusha, i believe in you, i believe in myself. i trust this journey.

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absorbing love.

this morning i meditated on watching my thoughts, just letting them be and observing. i categorized them, i got caught in a train of them, the observing disappeared and came back again, and i noticed which thoughts benefited me. my thoughts today, like most of the country, just kept going back to newtown.

i worked hard all day, and shed a few tears for those that suffer right now. ugh, it's got to be so painful.

i spent a beautiful weekend in santa barbara visiting with my sister and a dear friend; soaking up love, laughter, ease, and bliss. i'm beyond thankful for all the goodness surrounding me. it amazes me. i left inspired and warm, just what i needed.

hope your monday has been loved filled. i love you.

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heaviness and light.

today we are all mourning. i feel angry, saddened, disappointed, frustrated, grateful, lucky, relieved, scared... my tears and thoughts are with the people of newtown, connecticut today, my home state. we are all in such disbelief.

the thought of luck passed through my mind this morning. so much of our live's happiness depends upon luck. it's some sort of good luck when your child or relative survived the shooting, and bad luck when your person was the one to die at the scene. and it's totally unfair and makes no sense. loosing my big sister in a car accident, i kinda know this thought process... why me? why my family? out of all the survivors, why did we lose? why didn't i stop her from going there today? and in an incident like this one, shit, i can't even imagine the extent of these thoughts. such a ruthless, cruel, careless act on completely innocent people. it boils my blood and floods my eyes.

gun control and better mental health care aside, today i am just reveling in gratitude for what i have. everyone i love is safe, that's all that matters to me. crazy thing is, life has the power to change all this in an instant. your happy times and safety can be stolen right out from under you. so lets sink in deep, deep into the arms of kindness, love, and the people that make up our hearts. it is all too precious and not to be taken for granted for one moment.

i made this video yesterday while trail running... i feel it even more today.