inspired.

the dream was always running ahead of me.  to catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle.  ~anais nin


i can't wait to catch up.  eco-preneurship is what i think about most hours of the day.

my mom gave me the book 'alivelihood' by horst rechelbacher, founder of aveda.  it is soooooooooooooooooooo inspiring.  i want to run purusha just like horst ran aveda.  immaculate.  compassionate.  holistic.  bold.  respectful.  aware.

don't get me wrong- i know someday i will look back at this time when it was just me doing everything and slightly long for it- but i want to affect the world somehow on a larger scale.  i hope to inspire other businesses to become more responsible, just as horst has inspired me and my approach to purusha.

today my dream of purusha is:

~a team of kind and healthy people that are nurtured in the workplace.  given good healthcare, organic foods, access to exercise and yoga, and a choose your own hours environment.  to empower employees to share in the business and decide what kind of work is best for them i think is the key to a happy company.

~to provide fair trade to developing nations with dyes, paints, organic cotton, hemp, and any other materials purusha may need.

~a beautiful sunlit airy factory with top of the line sewing machines, screen printing machines, weaving machines, and dyeing machines.  i hope to have great hyper modern machines so that humans don't have to slave over a hard to manage contraption.  i would love if the machines do most of the work, with people to just monitor them.  i don't think we were meant to do repetitive motion mindless work- it's not healthy for us.  i'd rather have employees work on what is creative- designing products, traveling for materials, advertising, etc.

~and what really keeps me inspired and dreaming big is that i can create a product that encourages people to take care of themselves!  and to love and take care of one's body is the first step to desire to love and care for the planet and its people.  dressing in a conscious way in organic materials, so that we can better exercise, move, and live is empowering!  i want to empower the world!

dreamworld- what a special place.  thank you for taking the time to share in my dreams.  and what better way to set intentions than to share them with you all.  i've caught up with some of my dreams, but there are always bigger ones on the horizon aren't there?!

i hope you take some time to trust your dreams today and keep running towards them.  we really are capable of so much more than we even know.

have a beautiful dreamy weekend!  xo

oh and happy new year!!! i knew there was some reason i was getting all starry eyed... 

life cycles.

this is me and liam sleeping in the morning.  

a few days ago i felt kinda really sad about christmas being over.  my sister is gone back west, comforts and coziness are fading, and my family is not all together.  i can't just sit around and eat sweet foods and hearty meals; and soon i will be heading out west myself, leaving everything here i'm so familiar with.

my mom and i were talking that sometimes you just gotta feel it.  you have to go through those sad cold moments and not deny them.  they are a part of life and will always come and go, just like happy times come and go too.  the past couple days i'll admit i have been emotional.  i was sad, then tried to shrug off the sadness, and felt bottled up and irritable for fighting what i felt.  i found myself getting short with patrick and neglecting to nurture myself for a day or so.

i think it's better to just let it all out.  i had a good healing cry yesterday with sweet patrick to just be there and hug me.  i know he doesn't quite understand, and that's fine with me.  i'm happy just for his company and compassion.

today i feel like someone opened the blinds and let the sunshine in.  life is unpredictable, and just by going with the flow the universe takes me where i need to go.

nothing has changed this morning, yet somehow i feel refreshed and optimistic.  i feel really creative too, like new ideas and images of what i consider beautiful are flooding my head.  i just want to create that beauty and share it with you all.

and as the circle of things usually does to me, after a bout of sadness i feel absolute gratitude for the life i lead.  i get to live with my 2 best friends and wake up next to them every single day.  and during that every single day i get to create my own art that people are actually buying and loving!  what a miracle!

i'm so thankful for the ups and downs of life, because they always bring me back to this state of humility, compassion, and gratitude.

aah, i can feel the goodness in my bones today.  i treasure each moment.

namaste.

back to it.

today i'm back to the grind!  but i'm happy about it :).  i'm putting in my half!

hope you have a lovely day!

believe.

this morning i made a deal with the universe.

the deal is: we will meet each other half way.

what i give- the positive thoughts i focus on, the work i create, the discipline i devote myself to- the universe will give an equal amount. 

this way i feel like i'm not alone; i'm not working on being a sustainable planet entrepreneur on my own.  i have help, and i'm attracting what is good to help me along my way.  

when i fill my head with beautiful focus to go for what i dream, i realize the world and the universe's energy is giving me that extra push i need to live the life i imagine.  

i truly believe the universe supports those that are looking to create and share what is good for the planet and its people, as well as for future generations.  big businesses that are run carelessly and irresponsibly are not sustainable. a business model that focuses solely on profits and doesn't give a damn about the environment, the people that ultimately are the business- the workers!, and neglects the needs of the next generations is doomed to fail.  the planet cannot support it, and we are seeing this more and more with the degradation and degeneration of plant and animal life throughout the world.  nature knows best and will not put up with our human bullshit for long!  we need to get our act together and stop trampling what gives us life, and start offering respect for the universe that birthed us conscious beings.

universe: i ask you to guide me and support me as i try to do good with this thing i call purusha.  and i thank you ahead of time for clearing my mind of what's negative and for leading me to brilliance.

and thank you for giving me this beautiful life.  i promise i won't let you down, and i'll be waiting, halfway.

photo c/o fearless

love is all around!


christmas, i'm pretty sure, is my favorite day of the year.  i sure get spoiled with love, good food, warmth, hugs, and lots 'o presents!

we had an amazing breakfast at my parents.

then opened our stockings!

me surrounded by presents!!

sister kate and her mate chris

 hoochie does not like patrick's new harmonica!

 my papa and pat opening gifts

my sweet mommy

we hiked westledge mountain in simsbury.

my sweet parents

then came home and started unwrapping more gifts!!!  so many wonderful gifts were exchanged, so much love shared.  and finally we all ate a delicious dinner made my by brilliant chef sister kate.  when she's around i can just get so lazy and not have to make anything!  i could get used to that ! ;)

i was kinda sad to see the day go; and had a nice little cry like a baby while laying on the floor around all my beautiful thoughtful gifts, while talking to my mom about our upcoming move.

life is so bittersweet.  we have to leave what is comfortable to be satisfied, yet we need and are nourished by brief moments of comfort and safety. 

i was telling my mom on the phone this morning that i'll always be a mama's girl.  i used to cry at school (pretty much up to high school! lol) because i wanted to be home with my mom, and a big part of me still feels like that.  like i just want to be home in my mom's arms and never leave.  to this day i still feel like i could die and live happily ever after if my mom is holding me.  so she and my dad just need to move to california soon- that's all there is to it!

i'm slightly overwhelmed with how much there is to do in the next month or so, but i know it will be worth it in the long run.  patrick keeps telling me i need to see the big picture and live for years from now as well as for today.  

but today, today is easy.  my sister is here for one more day and i'm not doing any work until tomorrow!

so i'm just basking in my presents and soaking up the ease.  this morning i put on a whole new outfit gifted from patrick and my parents and kate, practiced (terribly) the new bansuri indian flute patrick got me, made waffles in our new waffle maker, made fizzy water in our new soda stream carbonator thing, drank white sage and mint tea from california from kate, cuddled with patrick and liam, and just watched 2011's worst fails on you tube.  epic relaxing day so far i'd say!

soon i'll go see kate, chris, and my mom and dad and let the sweetness continue.  i hope that after today i'll be recharged and ready to get back to work, and start thinking about and preparing for the big move.

hope you all had such a merry day. i'll leave you with this lovely quote:

'blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!' ~hamilton wright mabie

happy christmas.

"A true Lover doesn’t follow any one religion,
be sure of that.
Since in the religion of Love,
there is no irreverence or faith.
When in Love,
body, mind, heart and soul don’t even exist.
Become this,
fall in Love,
and you will not be separated again." ~ Rumi

no matter what you believe or don't believe, today is a great day to celebrate LOVE!  there's nothing better!  

merry everything to you all!  may your day be blessed and bright and love filled!

 christmas eve mantra.

in my yoga practice this morning i reflected on 2011- on my successes and on my failures.  both are equally nourishing.

my chant to myself and to the universe in these last days of the year:


may i be in this safe moment.


may i pay attention to how i spend my time, and devote my precious moments to only what is worthy.


may i continue to break through self imposed walls and barriers so that i never stop growing, evolving, and changing to be a better being.


happy everything to you all!

namaste.

change.

i have accepted fear as part of life- specifically the fear of change. i have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back.

as time rolls on and the seasons change, i feel excited and scared for what's to come. 

i'm moving to california with patrick and liam at the end of january.  it doesn't really feel real!  probably because we haven't started packing or planning too much yet.  but in the next few weeks, i will know the change is happening.  

my material life will be placed in boxes.

california!  i'm coming home!

how lucky am i that i can decide to travel, and just get up and go?!  

i'm happy to take on adventures while i'm still young, but there's this part of me that feels old.  it's like half of my heart wants to settle and stay here in old new england, where it's predictable and safe.  with my parents and people i've know for years.

but there's this whole world out there i don't even know, and if i don't meet it i will be sad.

so i'll take fear and excitement, uneasiness with change too, any day; rather than feel sadness and regret that i stayed for security's sake.  

the next month will be busy and brimming with changes, but i am ok with all that comes with it.  

and everyone, you're welcome to visit us in california anytime!  

happy winter solstice.  may changes continue to shape us into better beings than we ever imagined!

empty out and find you are full.

it's amazing to find how peaceful we naturally are if we take a moment at the beginning of the day to simply watch and breathe.

wake up slow.  stretch and sit and monitor thoughts and breathing.  for 5 minutes. or more.  it will bring you
back to your true calm self.

let go this morning of your judgments, perceptions, and silly self talk.  it's easiest in the a.m. when the mind is still transitioning from the subconscious.

empty out with each breath and watch yourself fill up with what's beautiful and kind.  we are love embodied.

the answer.

perfect.

darkness.

good morning all!

and happy winter solstice to you!

there's something about the solstice that is so romantic and cozy, isn't there?  this week features some of the shortest and darkest days of the year- oh boy!

what these dark days mean to me is inner strength, independence, creativity, comfort, candles, and lots of love!

i treasure these short days as a reminder to find warmth in love and in cuddles, to let myself laugh more easily, to drink plenty of tea, to practice yoga with the space heater right next to my mat!, to get super bundled up on my runs with liam, to make soups and mashed potatoes and steamed kale, to find fun and inspiration in my art and in my hobbies indoors, and to remember that we can create our own light when the light from outside is growing dim.

the solstice is an opportunity to shine from within!  and to find sun-like energy from inside our own bodies, to radiate sunshine from our very core.  in the darkest moments of our lives are we able to find just how strong and how funny we are.  without obstacles we couldn't learn how capable we are of pulling through!  the will to survive is stronger than anything else, so in a way i think it is comforting to know that no matter how dark it gets we will make our way back to the sunshine.

there's nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, but back into the light.  the alternative is death- and once we've experienced life, not many of us want to give this life up without a fight.

so this week let us fight and survive for the sake of light and goodness that always returns.

beginning thursday our journey back to longer days begins! so amazing!  little by little minutes of light are brought back to our days and we can draw from our inner light as well to create such a lovely winter glow.

hope you all have a beautiful and merry solstice.  sending you light and good thoughts!  i am grateful to experience all that is life with you in this universe at this moment.

peace and love.

lucky.

the past couple days really have me thinking, or remembering, just how lucky i am.  i'm warm, have healthy good food to eat, plenty of work to do, and lots of positive loving people around me.

at the same time, life is SO unfair.  i lucked out, that's all there is to it.  i didn't do anything to deserve to be born when i was or be given the opportunities that i have.

there are so many others in the world that did not get lucky, and sometimes the reality of this is too much to bear.

i watched the amazing film 'baraka' last night and got a much needed glimpse of how most of the world lives.  i haven't traveled to another country in about 5 years now (at least not a 3rd world country- canada doesn't count!), and honestly i am craving that perspective adjustment traveling gives you.

in my sparse travels from what now feels like lifetimes ago, i experienced that constant restart of my internal system. in my early 20's i traveled to the south pacific- samoa, fiji, and american samoa for 3 or 4 months, and then to todos santos, mexico to yandara yoga school for a month.  i've only seen like an inch of this globe, but that inch was enough to refresh my memory of how good we have it here in america.

yes of course america has many problems, but still we are quite sheltered here for the most part.  i've never seen a dead body on the street, i've never seen starvation, we have hot showers, we have whole foods and salads!, we treat our dogs like members of our families.  i know my dog lives better than about 75% of the world.

and it's just not fair.  it sucks and it pains me that i get to live well while others sleep on the streets and beg for food.

watching baraka, i felt like i got to travel a bit again last night.  i felt that uneasiness with the inequalities of the world that i felt while studying abroad, and i almost wanted to be able to experience life like that to know how it feels.  damn, i know it must feel just terrible; but perhaps if we americans could feel what it's like to live in a tribe that's land is being taken, or live without electricity or walls to separate us, or work at a chicken factory farm, or beg for food on the streets, maybe we could lessen that gap of inequality somehow.

i don't even know how that would be possible, but i wish so badly i could stop this whole luckiness and unluckiness thing.  i hope with all that i have that my business, purusha, will be able to bring a little luck to those less fortunate.  i dream of running a transparent big business that isn't in it just for the profits.  i really hope to change the standards of the fashion industry, and encourage consumers to demand clothes made in humane conditions.  just like we are seeing more and more people demand to know what's in their food and where it comes from, similarly i hope we begin that same want to know where are clothes fibers are grown, who makes them, and what kinds of conditions they are made in.

our lives here are so short compared to the span of time, and i long for my life to provide something even minisculely positive to future generations.

perhaps soon i will be able to travel again, and maybe even sooner i can start making some changes with the luck i've been given.

the light in me bows to the light in you.

down time.

 deep in concentration in my joni mitchell dress.

patrick probably cheating looking online. ;)

happy saturday!

hope you all are having a relaxing happy day!  

patrick is obsessed with chess.  like me, he has a slightly obsessive personality- tehe.  but yeah, he's got like at least 5 chess games going on with friends on his phone and we play pretty frequently now.  

pat used to refuse to play me because i beat him a few times in a row.  but now he's been studying and practicing (i haven't) and has been just kicking my butt.  we're playing a 21 game round and so far he's won 3 and i've won 0. boo!  looks like i need to practice more.  i know very beginner moves and really feel like my brain is going to shut down sometimes when i'm playing.  like sensory overload, i just want to lay down and go to sleep haha.  

last night we played a match and decided it was invalid.  something happened and i moved one of my white bishops to a white square- so both bishops were on white- not right!  we were both kinda wined out so we called it quits and watched an episode of seinfeld and passed out.  it was lovely.  

what i like about chess: 

1. that patrick and i both call the knight a horsey

2. making patrick nervous with moves that i didn't even know where good

3. when i'm about to lose and i move a pawn from across the board and take patrick's king- real nonchalantly- and say 'checkmate'. no big deal.

4. saying checkmate like this: check-a-mate-eh.  my sister kate and bff colleen and i would say this when we won a level in burgertime on the old nintendo (we were strange children), and at the same time do this odd dangling fist pump, not really a fist pump at all, but like a weak limp wrist attempt at a fist pump.  

5. when i lose (which now is every game), throwing a fit and clearing all the pieces of the board in a dramatic swipe of my arm, and then overturning the whole board.  it's funny, but it also makes me feel a little better about the loss.

there you have it.  chess.  patrick loves it because he wins, and i'm thinking i would rather have him win anyways because he takes the losses harder than me!

wholescome.  

haha wholescome is another weird word invented by my sister kate-it means 'oh well', pronounced 'holes-come'.  try it.  

this was my sweet grandfather peepa's chess set.  it is very special.

after the game sometimes patrick and i will put the pieces together and laugh, pretending all the pieces are buddies and hang out, mingling in a sort of post game party.  how cute!

today i plan on potting amaryllis, grocery shopping, resewing some jeans, and of course- chess!  

hope you all have a lovely lovely day and find enough down time for laughter and fun!

namaste.